Her chin quivered, and he feared he was about to be refused.
“God forgive me,” she whispered, as she covered her face with her hands. Slowly, she took a deep breath and lowered her hands to her lap. “I have tried to be strong for so long, but I can’t fight it anymore.”
She reached out and touched his jaw lightly. “I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you, and nothing has changed that. These past few years have been spent in a cloud of regret and heartache, but until I agree to marry you, first you have to know it all, what really happened all those years ago.”
“It won’t change my mind in the least,” he said firmly.
She sighed heavily. “You might feel differently once you’ve heard the truth about your father’s death.”
Roarke felt the air suddenly escape him as if he’d been punched in the stomach, but he clenched his jaw and prepared for the worst. “Tell me.”
Mara knew after this that there was no going back, and while Roarke said that it wouldn’t alter his feelings toward her one way or another, she knew his feelings wouldundoubtedly change once he heard everything. He might not think he would react, but if he’d ever had any sort of love for his father at all, he would never be able to look at her the same.
Thus, she began, “Since you already know about Lily, you are aware of her irrational tendencies. When she arrived at Eversleigh Hall so suddenly after my father’s death, needless to say, I was stunned. I hadn’t seen her in nearly ten years, and I have to say, time had not been kind. Not only was she malnourished and appeared to have been mistreated, she was addicted to any number of…medications, those of which did not…improve the fragile state of her mind.”
Roarke nodded his understanding, so Mara continued. This part was going to be the hardest to explain.
“At first, I had no idea Lily had even arrived. I wasn’t expecting her, so I was busy tending to my chores.” She swallowed over the tightness in her throat that threatened to close in every time she recalled that awful day. “On my way down to the laundry with some of Lyra’s mending, Lord Eversleigh…cornered me.”
Roarke’s eyes instantly blazed, and she had to glance down at her lap to keep talking.
“I knew he had a…penchant for young women, but until then, he hadn’t made any untoward advances toward me. He…backed me up into the library and held me against the wall. I tried to…fight him off, to call for help, but he clamped a hand over my mouth…” Mara took a deep breath, reliving it as if it were happening all over again. “That’s when Lily showed up. Somehow she’d managed to sneak into the house from the servant’s entrance. The moment she saw what was going on, she flew at the viscount.”
Now the words were coming out nearly on top of one another. Mara didn’t look at Roarke. She couldn’t. All she could do was get the rest of the sordid story out.
“She surprised him, so he stumbled backward. That’s when she grabbed a letter opener and shoved it into his chest. Your mother walked in as the blood was dripping onto the carpet and his face was turning ashen. The look she wore likely mirrored the one I had, but once she saw my torn dress and the laundry basket overturned on the floor, she knew what had happened. I quickly explained who Lily was, even though I know I was probably babbling the entire time.” She swallowed. “We tried to help Lord Eversleigh, but there was so much blood…” She shook her head. “Lyra and another housemaid came upon us as we were helping your father to his rooms. The servant took one look at the viscount and sent for the doctor immediately, but it was already…too late.”
“I was told my father suffered a heart condition.”
Roarke’s voice was so flat and unflinching that Mara felt her stomach sink even further.
“Your mother paid the doctor for his silence and made sure there were fresh bandages on his wound to hide the damage, but…infection set in. She thought it was for the best to keep the gossip at a minimum. I guess she assumed you would take your place as rightful heir when your father died, and she wanted the transition to be as easy for you as possible. That’s why I left. She was afraid that my presence would only fan the flames.”
“So she did it all to keep her precious place in society.”
Mara had never heard such bitterness in Roarke’s voice, unless it was when he’d first learned of her perfidy.
She dared to reach out and touch his arm. “Roarke, I know what you must be thinking of your mother, but she was just trying to safeguard your future—”
He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “She didn’t care one whit about me, only to make sure our name was up to tonstandards.” He brushed Mara off and stood. “I…need some time.”
“Of course,” Mara said quietly.
With that, he turned on his heel and left.
* * *
Roarke kept to himself for the next three days, closeted in his study with only Carter allowed to enter and exit as he brought a new bottle of brandy and took away the empty one. Mara yearned to go to him, but she knew that he had to sort it all out on his own, and she figured he wouldn’t have appreciated her presence anyway—considering her sister had murdered his father.
At least there were no more secrets between them.
Either way, she knew she couldn’t remain in England after this, knowing that the man she loved would never forgive her. When he was in India, she could pretend that he was as dead to her as she had been to him, but now it would just be too painful to remain. So she’d decided that once she was back in London, and as soon as Bentley was found, they would travel to America. She would accept the money from Lady Rockford, but only as a temporary loan in which she would pay back in full once they got settled.
Mara heard the distant sound of the front door closing and went to the window. She watched Roarke walk out to the stables, and a moment later he appeared leading Abel. She was glad to see that he wasn’t weaving, so hopefully some of the alcohol was out of his system by now. She hoped the ride would do him good and help to clear his head, and perhaps today he might finally decide to put something else in his stomach.
Time was running out, for if Lily were indeed headed to Eversleigh Hall, she would likely be getting close.Ifshe had managed to gain proper transportation. But without any funds, it was hard to say where she might be. At least Mara had the foresight to write to Mr. Tuke at the York Retreat upon her arrival at Eversleigh Hall, so that if they had any more updates on Lily, they might pass them along to her.
So far, there had been nothing.
