Travell relaxed against the settee, throwing his arm across the back while settling his right leg across his left. He surveyed the area with a seemingly critical eye. “My mother was horrified when Triana suggested it, but after a bit of negotiation, she eventually gave in.”
Alyssa leaned back in her chair, comfortable enough with Travell that she knew she didn’t have to stand on ceremony. “Aunt Pearl gave me leave to decorate my bedchamber, but I always wanted a house of my own so that I could give each room its own personality. Perhaps when I move to America I’ll finally get the chance to do so.”
“You still aren’t convinced that we would suit?”
Alyssa looked at Travell to see him tapping a finger on his leg, those ocean eyes boring into her very soul. She lowered her gaze and picked at a stray thread on her dress. “It’s not that I don’t think we would get along,” she said carefully. “I just don’t want to marry you for the wrong reasons where we would both come to regret it.”
“You have so much faith in me,” he drawled, and then added more quietly, “Yet you don’t believe I could make you happy?”
She sighed. “Our compatibility isn’t in question, but rather—”The fact you don’t love me as I’ve always loved youis.But since she couldn’t very well say that, she said, “I know about your work for the Home Office.”
She looked up to see his jawhadtightened. “I suppose my sister told you.”
Alyssa shook her head. “She didn’t have to. I knew you were good friends with Triana’s husband, the Duke of Chiltern, and Isabella’s husband, Mr. Claymoore, and recently,I’ve seen you in the company ofMr. Rutherford—”
He held up a hand. “I get your point. I suppose when my fellow agents decide to marry a lady’s closest friends, things get noticed.”
She smiled. “I admit it wasn’t difficult to fit all the pieces together.”
They fell silent as the teacart was rolled in. After the maid made sure a roaring fire was going, Travell said, “Thank you, Mary. We’ll serve ourselves.”
The maid bobbed a curtsy and took her leave.Alyssa stoodbefore Travell had a chanceto do so,and handed him a cup, just the way he liked it. Once she had her own, she sat back down and took a gentle sip of the steaming liquid.
“Will you always remain in service to the Crown?” she asked after a time.
“I’m not really sure, but probably. I’ve been an agent for the past seven years, and while I still get called into the field, I seem better served to recruit new men.” He frowned slightly. “And to be honest, I don’t really know anything else.” He paused.“What aboutyour plans for the future?Who will you marryifitwon’tbe tome?”
Sherolled her eyes. “I’m not sure, but at least it wouldn’t be quite soscandalousif I chose to remaina spinster in the New World as it would be here, where I would continue to be a cumbersome responsibility for James and Caroline.”She felt ill at the very thought.
“Don’t worry about Lord and Lady Lockley,” Travell said firmly. “And if they give you any further problems, don’t be hesitant to come to me.”
She smiled at him. “Thank you, Travell. You’re a good friend.”
***
You’re a good friend.
Those words haunted Travell long into the night as he staredupat the ceiling in his bedchamber, his arms folded behind his head.Sleep continued to elude him, but at least he wasn’t struck with a raging erection. While that devastating kiss had been enough to torment him, the moment she’d put him in the same category as his sister had effectively snuffed out anycurrentdesire.
Friend. He couldn’t help but wince at the word. It was the worst side of the fence to be on when it came to developing a relationship with a woman. Once you were stuck there, it was difficult to claw your way out.
What really bothered him was that Alyssa had responded to his kisses. He wasn’tthatout of practice where he couldn’t ascertain when a woman wanted him. But then she turned it around and tosses it aside to call him a—friend.
He ground his jaw. Perhaps he should just ignore this spark of attraction between them. Alyssa seemed rather determined to travel to America, and while it hurt to think of her so far away where he might never see her again, if she was happy, he couldn’t really ask for more than that.
He frowned. But damn, he wouldmissher. She had been a part of his life for so long that he didn’t know what he would do if she just…wasn’t there anymore. Every time he walked into a ballroom, he would still look for that brunette head. No more would he see those mischievous green eyes staring up at him, or that slight curve of her full lips.
His frustration deepened. He didn’t like this, not one single bit. He had to figure out a way to convince her to stay in England. With him. But then, if she only remained to marry another, he wasn’t sure he could withstand the loss. It would be the same as if his heart was ripped right out of his chest. Even now he found it difficult to breathe and it was only a fantasy. In reality, he would likely go mad.
But at least, if he was in the same shape as his father, he wouldn’tknow enough to give a damn.
Which brought him to a new crossroads. Did he really want to continue his line knowing that madness was a possibility? Could he, in all good conscious, do that to an innocent child?
Travellgrumbled ashethrewoffthe covers. If he couldn’t allow sleep to claim him, at least he could go check on the earl.
Where they could be miserable in their tortured minds together.
Chapter Eleven
