He glanced down at Caroline, who quietly sipped her wine and said nothing. Simply observed those around her.
If he was going to spend any time with an available woman, hepreferred her. Not only was she beautiful and nicely put together, but she had an air of maturity and did understand sacrifices. Afterall, she had lost her husband and was left with a daughter to raise and was forced to return to her father for support.
“Would you have wanted to remain in England if given the opportunity, or were you eager to return to Wyndview Farm?” For some reason, her answer was very important even though it mattered little to his future.
“It is a difficult question to answer,” Caroline offered. “When we first moved here, I was with my family, as you know, but I still missed my grandparents in England, as well as my friends, but then I came to love it here. My heart ached when Mother took me away so that I could be presented and I thought I would miss the Wyndview Farm tremendously, and my father and friends, and be miserable in England. But I was not.” She smiled. “Yes, I missed my father while I was away, but England was a separate adventure and I embraced London, the Season, and enjoyed all forms of entertainment that cannot be found here. I was content, happy even when I married then settled into my grandfather’s home.”
“Why your grandfather?”
“Peter owned no property, nor did he have family, and since he was with the footguards and would soon be going off to war, he thought it best and safest if I lived with my grandfather.”
Sterling nodded because it had been the best solution.
“I was looking forward to Peter’s return and settling into our own home in England. Grandfather was going to find him a position so that he could support a wife and children. Then he was killed, which left me questioning what I should do next, especially since I had an infant daughter.” She glanced up. “It was then that I decided to return to Wyndview Farm where my child would know her grandparents only to arrive and learn that my mother had died while I was sailing home.” She sighed. “And, as you know, I did not leave again.”
“Do you miss it?” he asked quietly.
“England?”
“Yes.”
“At times.” She smiled.
“If given the choice, where would you choose to live?”
The question was suddenly very important. Then again, she had information that those in this room likely did not, and that was a comparison of having spent time, years even, living in both places. Maybe it would help him understand his mother better.
“If it meant that I would not need to be at sea half of the year going between the two, I think I would live in both places and never suffer another cold winter.” She chuckled. “I honestly do not think that I could choose between the two because they are both different and wonderful.”
“Does that mean you would be content to live in one place so long as you could visit the other occasionally?”
Caroline tipped her chin. Her smile faded as if she were giving his question serious consideration. “I do believe I would,” she finally answered. “I want to return to England one day. I want my daughter to experience England when she is older but I do not think that I could leave here knowing that I would never return, nor do I believe that I could be content here if I knew that I would never see England again.” Then she laughed. “Of course, this is a silly conversation because I truly do not know when or if I will ever go back. It all depends on the whims of fate, though I do hope that I am given the opportunity.”
Whims of fate! They had brought her to London once, gave her a husband, then took him. Sterling wasn’t so certain he would be as content to wait for what may happen next but that was because he intended to have complete control over his destiny.
*
It was suchan odd conversation that she was having with Wyndham, and she had to carefully consider her answers. Rarely had Caroline thought about what she wanted or what she would even like to do. Her mother and father had been the ones to bring her and her brother to Wyndview Farm when she was a child. It was her parents who decided she needed a Season. She accepted Peter’s marriage proposal because she did love him and it was expected that she married. She hadn’t wanted to keep returning Season after Season until she wed. That would be unfair to her mother, and costly for her father, even though Grandfather had paid for gowns and had given them a home.
When Peter died, she really had no choice but to accept her fate and do the best by her daughter.
A sense of melancholy washed over Caroline with the realization that she could very likely spend the rest of her life at Wyndview Farm and never experience London or even visit England again.
Soon, she would not even have a purpose here, other than raising her daughter, because William would be taking over as estate manager if Wyndham approved.
Then what would she do? Keep her father’s home? Do his and William’s laundry? Cook and prepare meals and educate her daughter, and remain a companion to Lady Wyndham?
Would there ever come a time when she would be able to decide for herself or would those decisions always be made for her because of the circumstances in which she found herself?
It was a sobering thought that took away some of the joy she had experienced coming to the ball this evening. Most disturbing perhaps was the idea that she was a widow who would likely never wed again or even enjoy the company of a man.
“Is all well, Mrs. Sutcliffe?”
She blinked and looked up at Wyndham who watched her with concern.
“Woolgathering, I suppose,” she offered as an excuse. Then shesmiled as if all was right in the world when, in truth, her heart ached.
Lady Wyndham glanced back at them, frowned, and marched over, which was rather surprising because Caroline expected her not to speak with her son the rest of the evening, which would have also made for a very uncomfortable ride in the carriage back to the estate.
