Troubled heart, indeed.
Yes, hers had been for days when he sometimes seemed to want to kiss her, and they enjoyed conversations only for Cassian to distance himself then come close to kissing again. No wonder the piano had called to her.
However, troubled was nothing compared to the rejection of the night of Haloa, or now, to hear his rejection while she was quite sober.
But she would retain her composure.
“Thank you for being honest.”
“It is not that I did not want to.”
“That makes no sense Cassian. Do not say you want to kiss me but will not because you are trying to protect my feelings or a similar weak excuse men use when they want to discourage a female. Simply tell me that you do not think we would suit, which is polite, and it will never be mentioned again.”
“That is not it,” he insisted.
Samantha sighed and anchored her fists on her hips. “Then, what is it?” There was absolutely nothing that he could say that would make her believe that his rejection was anything more than he did not want to encourage her and had no intention of courting her.
“I am not worthy of you.”
Samantha searched his eyes and strained to hear music that did not exist because she was not certain what to believe. Except, what she read in the grey depths was honesty and anguish, which left her even more confused.
Why?
“You honestly believe what you are saying.” She hoped to see a flicker of guilt or shame to indicate a lie, but there was none.
“I have nothing to offer anyone and could not provide what a lady, the daughter of an earl, would expect.”
He truly believed that he was…what…beneath her?
Did he assume that would be her opinion of him?
Samantha wasn’t certain if she was more shocked or angry. “What would that be?” Samantha demanded.
“Estates and wealth. The same life and privileges she had enjoyed since birth.”
“I see.” Samantha tapped the toe of her slipper, irritation growing. This entire time she had assumed he simply did not want to kiss or court her. Instead, he appeared to have made determinations on her behalf.
“As you know, the estate once owned by my family is in France, and while it stands, the belongings were ransacked and the vineyards burned. I want to reclaim it. It is all I have.”
“I understand why you would want to return.”
“That is why I did not kiss you.”
“I am trying to understand, but it is difficult. It was a kiss.”
“I will not kiss a woman that I cannot court.”
“Are you saying that you would have kissed me if you wanted to court me even though you had wanted to kiss me but not court me?”
“I want to kiss and court you, but I cannot.”
“Why?” There was absolutely no reason and a part of her still wondered if he was making excuses so that her heart was no longer troubled and would be freed from this place.
“I have no funds to support a wife. What I do have will be used to reclaim and then rebuild my family estate, and why I could never court a woman because I could never ask her to consider an uncertain future.”
He had assumed much and made up his mind without even asking her opinion.
Pride! Men were often led down a dangerous path because of their blasted pride. “Do you think this is what she meant?”
