Who was she truly?
A conundrum!
After he assisted with her chair, he took his own and decided that he was going to learn as much about Lavinia as possible and perhaps they would grow closer. Even if she was above his reach that did not keep Demetrius from admiring her.
Admire! Ha! It was so much more which certainly included desire.
After the soup was placed before them, Demetrius decided to ask the first question that had plagued his mind. “Why are you really in Seaford, especially for the Christmas holiday? Your family relies on you, which I have witnessed myself, and I thought you were all close.”
Lavinia studied him over the rim of her wine glass and he feared that perhaps he had asked too much of her. Just because she wanted to be called Lavinia did not give him permission to ask what she might perceive as an impertinent question from the likes of him.
“I usually keep my own counsel Mr. Val…”
He arched a brow.
“Demetrius, but it is not as though you are a stranger and I suspect that we will have many dealings with the other over the coming years.”
He certainly hoped that was the case.
“You would likely not be surprised to learn that when I was younger, I enjoyed reading laws and bills and all manner of papers that my father collected on his desk for consideration in parliament. The debates offered within had fascinated me and if I had been born a male, I would have been the heir and could continue in the same manner. Instead, I was the second daughter of the Duke of Claybrook, expected to wed well and produce an heir and a spare and settle into domestic bliss.”
Given that she did not like her name, Demetrius suspected there had been little to no bliss in her former marriage.
“When my husband died, there was no longer a place for me in my husband’s family and I returned to my former home. As Leopold was somewhat at a loss as how best to supervise our younger siblings, I took over that role and then when he let his secretary and household steward go, I took over those duties, as you know.”
Demetrius nodded because he already knew these facts.
“I have always done my duty and what was expected and needed. Not once have I ever done what I wanted.”
Ah, now he understood, or thought that he was beginning to.
“I am tired of duty and of taking care of others,” she admitted. “Thus, my sudden decision to come here, alone, to determine exactly what I want for my life and do something for myself for a change.”
Her reasons for being here were not much different than his own, though Demetrius only needed to make a decision that should be simple, not contemplate changing his life completely.
“Is His Grace aware of your feelings on the matter?”
“No, and I beg you not to mention it to him,” Lavinia insisted. “It is possible that nothing will change and a simple holiday is all that I need, but I will not truly know until it comes to an end or I find something that I would much rather do.”
An odd and unexpected warmth spread through Demetrius at the realization that Lavinia was confiding something deeply personal and he would hold her secrets.
“Perhaps you might wed again.” Though in truth, he hated the idea of her being married to someone else when he did not yet know her as well as he wished to.
Her lips pursed as those blue eyes narrowed with determination. “I see no need to wed, though I can understand that being a man you would assume that would be the solution to my dilemma.”
“I apologize,” he quickly offered and realized his error. “You are correct, my assumption was made because of your gender and had any of my sisters heard me say such, they would likely box my ears.” He hoped that his attempt at levity would lighten her mood.
“Apology accepted,” she finally offered. “I married at ten and nine because it was expected of me and to a gentleman that I believed would be a good match. I will no longer do what others wish, but discover what I want for myself, which does not include a husband.”
Chapter
Six
Goodness, she’d confessed much more to Demetrius than she had intended. Yes, she was going to tell him that she was seeking something for herself, but she had not intended to express her dislike for her former husband.
It also mattered little because it was freeing to talk openly with someone. She could never tell Leopold or her younger siblings how unhappy her marriage had been, or that she was discontented.
It was also time to turn the subject from her. “You are the eldest of your siblings, are you not?”
