“That is what happens in a ballroom, but there is too much emotion to think. Their noise overwhelms me. It is the only way I can describe it.”
Balls could be loud enough from the conversations and music, and he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be a sensitive empath in the setting who must also feel everything as well.
“That is why I collapsed,” she finally said. “The strong emotions in the parlor, because of what I had done…fear, anger, excitement, nervousness, anxiety…it became overwhelming, which is why I had to get away.” She looked back at the water. “But I waited too long to make my escape.”
“The noise, that is what causes you to retreat?” he asked. “I have noticed that you sometimes slip away from a ballroom or find a place to stand that is furthest from the crowd. The night I looked for you, you were at the back of the garden behind bushes.”
She had not realized he had noticed so much about her, except for the last night she’d seen him. “Sometimes it is too much, and exhausting. However, when just sitting with one person, or in a small gathering, I am not overcome.”
“Do you feel the emotions of animals as well?”
“No,” she answered. “Animals are much more calming and easier understood than humans.”
He frowned. “Easier to understand?”
“People are confusing because of what is a warring within their being,” she answered. “A gentleman or lady at a ball could present a happy and joyful disposition while their aura is the opposite, as well as their emotions. This led to so much confusion during my first Season. Now I realize that people only show what they want to be seen, even if it is false, but animals never have a reason to lie, or pretend to be someone they are not.”
“I am surprised that you attended the Witches’ Ball and remained at Nightshade Manor with so many people around.”
“My mother had me attend for the same reason as everyone else, and the reason I must endure London, though I may have talked her out of forcing me to go again.”
“Marriage?” he asked.
“I am certain that had been her hope.” Lady Antonia took in a breath and blew out a sigh.
“Why did you dance in London when just being at a ball was difficult? And, why only me?”
She was surprised that he had noticed, and now she needed to fully confess. “You were calm, Lord Chedworth.” Unfortunately, he was no longer and that was her fault. “Even in London in a crowd, you were calm. Happy, content, and you find humor. When you considered yourself vexed, you were not truly angry and only slightly irritated.”
He pulled back, his eyes widening. “I was calming,” he repeated.
Her face heated and perhaps she should not tell him the rest, but Antonia did not want to hold back the truth any longer. “Your emotions were steady and true to your aura and what you presented to others. There was no artifice to you. There began trust because you were not trying to hide anything. With that confidence came calm, a peace, which, if I am honest, I absorbed when we did dance.” Antonia swallowed and was afraid of what he may think of her when she told him the rest. “When we waltzed, or when I had my hand on your arm when you escorted me to the dance floor, those were the only times that the noise of the ballroom dimmed. Your calmness quieted the rest. And, when the waltz was over, and we parted, the noise returned twice as bad as it had been before.”
“And why you ran for the nearest exit,” he added, staring at her in disbelief. “You used me to better a situation.”
“Goodness, no, that is not at all what I meant…Yes, it’s true what I said…but that…that isn’t why…”
She stopped speaking when he began laughing.
“I enjoyed spending time with you also, Lady Antonia.”
Her face only grew hotter, but she was glad for his confession.
“I wish you would have told me in London,” he finally said.
“I feared that if you knew the truth, that you would have avoided me.”
Chedworth shook his head. “I likely would have stood beside you all night and welcomed your hand resting on my arm.”
Chapter Twelve
Philip was finally beginning to understand the oddities of Lady Antonia, not that her behavior seemed all that peculiar now that he understood. And, if his presence, or her hand on his arm, had brought her peace, he would have remained by her side, and it would have allowed him to court her.
Except that wasn’t all that bothered him. “If you found peace in my presence, why were you never at home when I called?”
“I was resting,” she answered. “After a ball, I will sleep twelve to fifteen hours and then need the next day remaining alone in my chamber for the silence so that I could once again prepare myself for the next ball or entertainment.”
“It takes so much out of you?”
