“If it is a child you wish, perhaps you should reconsider marriage a second time.”
“Children were to have been my duty, or at least an heir. I am unable to provide that so it would be unfair to marry again.” Lavinia shook her head.
Lavinia’s lack of children was not her fault, but her husband’s, who often forgot he had a wife. After their marriage, he only visited her bed when he remembered that he needed an heir. Octavia was not certain her sister had marital relations more than once or twice a year given her husband had preferred the companionship of his male friends over spending time with his wife.
“At least when hoping for a child, the marriage bed was bearable. I have no intention of enduring such again without purpose.”
“Well, I for one intend on enduring,” Octavia quietly confided to her sister as they reached the foot of the stairs.
Lavinia grasped her arm and pulled her from anyone that might overhear their conversation.
“What do you plan to do?”
Poor Lavinia. She had been the one most mortified by the scandals that had plagued their family, but it had been because she preferred her private life to be just that and hated that all of Society was likely whispering about them behind fans. For those reasons, Octavia feared Lavinia’s response when she learned what Octavia had planned. She pulled her sister further from the crowd and into the gardens. It would not do for anyone to overhear their conversation, but at least Lavinia would school her features here which was the reason Octavia had not told her in the privacy of their home.
“Are you thinking to marry again?” Lavinia asked with concern.
“No!” Octavia exclaimed. “Being a wife once was enough for me. I shall not be one again.”
“If you do not intend to marry…”
“I intend to take a lover, Lavinia.”
Color fled her cheeks as Lavinia recoiled in disgust. “Why?”
“There was a time that relations with my husband were pleasant, at least during those first few months and I quite enjoyed it when he came to my bed. I now wonder if it was all imagined, and if not, I wish to experience what I assume was passion again.”
Lavinia’s eyes widened and she stared at Octavia as if she had lost her sanity. “It was your imagination. Of that I am certain. You could not have enjoyed all that…”
“Do you never ache, deep from within, a need that only a man can…”
As Lavinia’s eyes widened and her mouth grew slack with disbelief Octavia ceased trying to explain what she wanted.
Lavinia leaned in close. “We should not even be discussing this.” She quickly looked around.
“We are quite alone, nor are we talking above a whisper. I can assure you that nobody knows what I am about.”
“I truly cannot fathom why you would want to…” Her sister gave a shudder and Octavia was beginning to realize that not only had her husband not visited Lavinia’s bed often, but when he did, it had truly been an unpleasant experience for her. “You mean to do this?” Lavinia asked after a moment, her voice heavy with concern.
“Yes.”
“Who?”
“I am not certain as of yet,” Octavia answered. “I do not want a dandy, an immature gentleman with selfish desires. I was already married to such. Instead, I want a man who not only knows how to find pleasure but how to give it as well.”
Lavinia only stared at Octavia as if she were speaking a foreign language that she had not learned.
“What I want is a rake with no intention of reforming.” And she intended to keep him—her rake for the Season.
“You are a respectable widow. How will you find such a gentleman?” Lavinia asked.
“By listening. Once I have determined who is considered the best, and most attentive lover in England, he shall be mine.”
“Just please, promise me that you will not be caught,” Lavinia begged. “Our family has already suffered enough scandal for a lifetime.”
“Never fear,” Octavia promised. “The first rule in taking a lover is discretion.”
“Rules? There are rules?” Lavinia’s voice nearly rose an octave with her questions.
