Excepthehad, nearly nine years ago.
“We were standing before the vicar and ready to repeat our vows when he looked at me and said, ‘I can’t.’ Then he turned around and walked out of the church.”
He couldn’t believe that any gentleman would do such a thing. “What did you do?”
“I did call after him.”
His stomach knotted. Crisp hoped that she hadn’t begged or anything. Though that wasn’t her nature, how one would react at being left at the altar was unpredictable.
“I said, ‘You could have mentioned your reluctance before no’. My father was not pleased with me or the Earl of Lovell.”
“That was who you were to marry?” Crisp asked, not that he knew who the gentleman was.
“It was four years ago.” She shrugged. “I had agreed to marry Lovell because I thought we were a good match.”
“It wasn’t love?” Crisp questioned. He thought if anyone would insist on love it would be Vanessa. She’d vowed not to have an empty marriage like so many she had witnessed, but a happy one. Crisp wondered what had changed.
“My father wanted the marriage as did my uncle.” She sighed.
“The Duke of Arscott,” Crisp said. Her grandfather had been the former Duke of Arscott, and it was her uncle who had inherited.
“Yes.” She sighed again. “They insisted that after five Seasons that it was time I settle upon someone and that Lovell was a good match. And since I could not really disagree with their assessment, I agreed to the proposal. Then he literally left me standing at the altar.”
Vanessa spoke as if she was not bothered by what must have been a humiliating experience. “It wasn’t love?” he asked again.
“No, Crisp, I was not in love with Lovell. I liked him well enough, I suppose, and we got along well.” She frowned. “I believe I agreed because I’d just come out of mourning, and I didn’t wish to endure another Season. He called on me and was pleasant and my family liked him. I don’t think in normal circumstances that I would have agreed.”
“Mourning?” he asked in alarm.
“My mother died the year before. A heart ailment they believe.”
“Vanessa, I am so sorry. I had no idea.” Had he sought information about her, Crisp would have known, but he intentionally did not want to know anything because he didn’t want to know who her husband was or how many children she had. Children that could have been his if he would have remained in London.
“Thank you.”
For the life of him, Crisp couldn’t imagine any gentleman leaving Vanessa in such a way. A gentleman would have allowed her to call off the marriage, not leave her disgraced, thus ruined in the eyes of theton.“Did he at least give a reason?” Perhaps Crisp shouldn’t have asked the last question, but Vanessa truly didn’t seem upset.
“Just that he couldn’t.” She shrugged as if it were of no consequence. “As he has been traveling with only his valet since that fateful day and has not returned to Society, I have my suspicions as to his reasons, but will not voice them.”
Certainly, she wasn’t suggesting…though maybe she was and because of the rules of Society, as well as how the courts viewed such matters, she wouldn’t condemn him, though a lesser woman might have after being scorned.
“You should know that Society has never accepted that I had not been terribly hurt by what was such a devastating event.” She chuckled. “They are of the opinion that along with my ruination, I am simply hiding my pain and that is the reason I chose my place among the wallflowers when I returned to London. No matter how much I insist that I am fully recovered, none believe me, so I ceased arguing the matter.”
Crisp could well understand. There were certain beliefs in Society and being left stranded at the altar was something no bride could possibly overcome, thus they would never accept Vanessa’s word that she had indeed recovered.
However, that still didn’t explain why no other gentleman had attempted to court her since. It was unfathomable, and Crisp had to wonder if the gentlemen in England were simply fools or blind as well.
He glanced over at Vanessa, noting her confidence. Or perhaps all those gentlemen were intimidated. The one thing Vanessa would never be was a malleable wife. He had known that about her when she was only seventeen.
Further, he couldn’t help but be quite pleased that she’d not found love. Though that didn’t necessarily mean that they’d rekindle their love of nine years ago, at least he wouldn’t be forced to watch her with a husband while they were here.
Vanessa was glad that Crisp knew the truth. She’d been hesitant to tell him because being left at the altar was an embarrassment, but she’d rather he heard it from her than someone else. Further, she was happy that someone finally believed that she hadnotbeen heartbroken, destroyed and not certain how to go on.
She’d heard what had been said about her. It was her shattered dreams that sent her to sit amongst the wallflowers, and the reason she had turned cold and hard, which she hadnot. She simply had little patience for those who thought they knew her better than herself and tried to force her into the mold of how sheshould havereacted.
Then to hear those whispered comments behind fans about her being a poor dear without her mother to offer comfort, had nearly sent her from London. She would have abandoned the Season if it would have not fed their incorrect assumptions. Yes, Vanessa missed her mother deeply and probably always would, but she was just as certain that had her mother not passed, Vanessa would have never considered marrying Lovell, nor would her mother have allowed Vanessa to marry without love.
The ache of missing her mother had been with her for five years and until today, Vanessa hadn’t realized how much she had also missed Crisp. In the short time that they had known each other before he’d left, they’d become close. They were friends and she trusted him. Further, he believed her when she asserted her feelings on any matter and not once dismissed her opinions or tried to tell her that she was wrong about feeling one way. He had never treated her as if she were a silly chit who didn’t know her own mind and heart. It was one of the many reasons that she had started to fall in love with him.
