“I am certain you were being kind to cover my embarrassment,” she offered. “I know that you are used to being around fashionable ladies and it was likely quite a shock to find your wife dressed as such.”
“Surprised,” he offered.
“I did not wish to have you view me as such again and as climbing onto a scaffold in skirts is cumbersome, I chose to paint while you slept so that you were not subject to my unseemly attire.”
“I see,” he said after a moment and settled back in his chair. “Please, Charlotte sit. I am certain that your hip still pains you.”
She couldn’t sit, though he was correct. She wanted this interview done as quickly as possible. “I would rather stand, if you do not mind.”
“Very well.” He leaned forward again. “I have realized that I did not ask why you kept your secrets. I wish to know now if you do not mind telling me.”
He was asking in a friendly manner, yet after he had been so angry yesterday, Charlotte was almost afraid to answer. Yet, she had already decided to tell him the reasons and now was the chance.
She took a deep breath and blew it out. “I explained why my father gave me the dowry.”
He nodded.
“Given the circumstances of our marriage, I knew that I must be prepared for my future.”
“Our future,” he corrected.
“There was never a guarantee of such, in my mind at least.”
“Did you expect me to divorce you or ask for an annulment?”
“I believed you too honorable, but that didn’t mean that it was a certain thing and as the years passed, it became less certain,” she confessed.
“Go on,” he encouraged.
“I anticipated that you would eventually return here. When we met again, you would realize that I was not who you wanted and that I was no comparison to the ladies who surrounded you in London. I feared that..that..”
“What?” he prompted.
“That you would not be able to find the desire for me to conceive an heir.”
Her face flooded with heat, but after yesterday, Charlotte knew that she must be honest in everything, though she did not appreciate the humor in his green eyes.
“An heir, and spare is important to your station. Further, I need only look in the mirror to be reminded of everything that my father had said was true; therefore, I knew that I must prepare for my future.”
“Charlotte…”
“Please, let me finish. This is difficult enough.”
He leaned back and nodded.
“I have read articles and publications on what is expected of a lady. I have tried to dress properly, hide my intelligence, converse on only polite topics, be pleasant, take care of your home and not be a burden.”
Victor frowned and tilted his head as if he didn’t understand.
“It has not even been a full sennight since you arrived and already I am exhausted of hiding who I am and of trying to be the type of lady that you want. I can no longer continue in this manner. It is too hard not being myself.” She took a deep breath.
Charlotte had never been this completely honest with anyone in her life and it frightened and freed her, and it was also humiliating to voice the truth.
“Your honor would demand that you remain in this marriage. However, if it became impossible because of the need for an heir, you would have no choice but to seek an annulment. The funds that I had saved were so that I could purchase this home from you and to support myself. I cannot go back to my father, and there would be nowhere else. I could not lose my home.” He needed to understand. “The only thing that I was going to ask of you was that you waited until I reached my majority so that my father no longer had control or until he passed. As he is still alive, he would require repayment and I do not believe that I have saved enough to free you.”
He studied her for a moment. “If I remained and there was an heir, then would you have told me your secrets willingly?”
“I assume you would have learned about the paintings by then, and possibly my being a governess and of Turner Textiles, but I am not certain I would have told you how much money I had set aside.”
