Oh, Violet couldn’t have that. Her brother would certainly make a mess of things, as gentlemen had a habit of doing. While gentlemen considered women to be the more emotional of the genders, it was an incorrect assumption.
“Do I seek out Wesley or will you tell me what has you upset?”
She couldn’t confess to Miranda or she’d tell Wesley that as well.
If only Miranda hadn’t found her… “How did you know where I was?”
“How do you think?”
“Jonathan told you.” Violet rolled her eyes. “Is that what you are going to imply?” Jonathan was Miranda’s great uncle, long dead. But Miranda insisted that he was a ghost and that she could speak with him. Worse, Violet’s grandmother also claimed to see him too and spent many hours in conversation with Jonathan, who had been betrothed to Grandmother long ago, but died before they could marry. Violet was never certain if the two were playing pranks on the rest of the family or Bedlam bound.
“He did. He also told me that Lord Ferrard had thoroughly kissed you and that it left you in a state.”
It was likely that Miranda had witnessed the kiss but didn’t want to admit that she’d been spying on Violet. Therefore, as Miranda already knew, she might as well be truthful. “Yes, he did.”
“Did he force himself on you?” Miranda asked in seriousness.
“Of course not.” It was a ridiculous question. “He is too much a gentleman to do so.”
“Then why the tears?”
“I don’t know. I’ve not cried since I was ten. It’s unproductive and irrational.” Yet, she’d cried only a few days ago. But she’d not tell Miranda, as she’d only ask further questions that Violet did not wish to answer.
“Everyone cries,” Miranda offered softly.
“Not I.”
“Violet,” Miranda picked up her hand. “Tell me what has upset you so.”
The kindness and pleading in Miranda’s voice was nearly Violet’s undoing, but she pulled in a deep breath and confessed the truth of the courtship, the meetings with Lord Ferrard, their many discussions, and then, “Is it possible that I might have fallen in love or am I simply experiencing desire?” Perhaps she was simply confusing the two, which would bring her peace.
Miranda laughed, but not in a cruel, teasing manner, more delighted. “It’s possible that it is both love and desire.”
“Yet, love takes time, it doesn’t happen so quickly. You and my brother were friends for years.”
“Ah, but that’s because we were both too afraid to voice our feelings,” Miranda admitted. “Had either of us spoken from the heart, we might have been married three years earlier.”
Violet blinked at her. “Are you being truthful?”
“Yes, Violet. I am.”
Lord Ferrard was a friend. She trusted him. It also mattered little if she loved him because he would be gone in two days, and she’d be a fool to let emotion rule when her decisions would only lead to heartbreak in the end. It had already ached enough for one day, and she’d not endure such further. “It’s not love,” she finally decided, as she’d not allow it to be so.
“Are you certain?” Miranda asked.
“Quite!” Violet answered with conviction. “Further, I’m quite certain that he feels nothing but friendship for me and kissed me only so that he could tell his father that he made an effort in this courtship, therefore, there is nothing more to read into our situation.”
Violet stood and brushed her hands together. “However, when he calls on me tomorrow, we will remain within the dower house and take tea, as I think it best if I am not alone with Lord Ferrard again.” Or she might just insist on him kissing her, or she might kiss him, and that would never do.
“Perhaps you should speak with him on matters of the heart,” Miranda suggested.
That, Violet could and would never do. She’d not be so vulnerable. If she confessed to Lord Ferrard that she was beginning to care for him as more than a trusted friend, and he did not reciprocate, it might very well crush her soul.
“Violet?” Miranda questioned.
“I think it’s best if I keep any thoughts and emotions on the topic private. There is no reason for Ferrard to ever know what you and I discussed this afternoon, nor my irrational behavior. And I hope that I can trust you to keep my confidence.”
Miranda frowned, then pulled herself from the bench. “If that is what you wish.”
