Who care about you. Who think about you constantly. Who are driving themselves crazy wanting you.
"Who are responsible for your safety," I finish lamely.
She shakes her head, disappointment flashing across her features. "Is that all this is to you? A job? A responsibility?" she asks, motioning her hand between us.
"It's all it can be." The words scrape my throat.
"Why?" Her voice falters.
I laugh bitterly. "Oh... let me count the ways! I'm older than you, much older. I'm emotionally stunted. I've seen and done things that would make you turn around and run. And I've come into your life when you are vulnerable and needing protection. I won't take advantage of that. And then, there's this dynamic where I know that my best friends, my brothers, also have feelings for you. I'm not suited for you. Mateo... he can bring laughter and joy to your life..." I stop, out of breath.
"Are you done?" she asks, eyes flashing. "I really appreciate your endorsement of my future relationship with Mateo. But newsflash: I don't need it!" She shouts.
"And for all the reasons you just so clearly stated, you forgot to mention one." She pauses, taking deep breaths as if to gather courage. "You are scared. You, the fierce leader! You are scared to give in to your feelings. You are so determined to always be in control, to never let your guard down. To never just feel!"
"Scared? I'll tell you something—" I shout back at her, irritated that she has struck a nerve.
"Yes, scared!" She interrupts me. "You know how I know? I was scared too. But someone opened my eyes today. I don't want to live my life in fear anymore. I want..." She pauses.
"What do you want, Jade?" I ask, my voice barely audible.
"I want you," she whispers.
"It's not that simple." I struggle to remember all the reasons why this is a terrible idea.
Her eyes search mine, fearless in a way I've never managed to be when it comes to emotions.
"Isn't it?" She reaches up, hesitantly touching my face. Her fingers trace the stubble along my jaw. "I think sometimes we make things complicated because we're afraid of what we really want."
She looks deep into my eyes and says, "I'm not scared anymore. But I won't run after someone who can't overcome his hang-ups. You pulled away from me before."
The memory of that kiss burns through me. Her lips against mine, soft and desperate with relief. How I'd wanted to push her against the wall and take more. How I'd forced myself to step back instead.
"This time, if you really want me, come and find me. Not to protect me, not out of obligation, but because you really see me as I am and want me."
And with that, she turns and walks out of the room.
I don't move. Not at first.
I just stand there, trembling with restraint, watching her disappear down the hallway. Her silhouette etched against the dark.
My fists clench. My jaw locks.
And for the first time in years, I feel completely, achingly alive.
She told me to come andfind her.
And I will.
But not as a protector.
As a man who's done running from what he wants.
27
JADE
I return to my bedroom, heart pounding in my chest, skin flushed with emotion. Did I really just do that? Did I really just walk away from Ethan after throwing down that challenge?
