Axton and Lightning take us back to the apartment, and both Heidi and I pack a bag before we head out of town. Heidi is in the backseat of Axton’s pickup truck while Lightning leads the way back to Thunder Rock.
I can’t believe I’m actually going back there. I promised myself ten years ago when I left that I would never return. And even when I arrived in Raleigh, I swore to myself that I would not venture to Thunder Rock. Yet here I am, headed straight for it, beside the man I also swore I would never go back to.
I’m a whole host of contradictions. I should probably internally scold myself for this, but I’m not the girl I was ten years ago. I’m not even the woman I was when I came back to North Carolina. I’m different. He’s different.
We’re all exhausted by the time we arrive at the gates. I almost laugh because while we may be different people, these gates are the exact same. Axton rolls down his window, then lifts his hand to the prospect who’s posted in the little gatehouse building. Another thing that hasn’t changed, although it’s obviously a different man prospecting. That’s the only difference.
There is something comforting about coming here and everything being the same. I know Shade is no longer the president. He passed away, and Bullet has taken his place, but the rest of the MC is status quo.
I don’t know all the drama that’s taken place recently, and I’m sure there is some. Otherwise, the MC wouldn’t be running security at a strip club. But I also know those details aren’t for me to know.
The gates open.
Heidi doesn’t ask any questions, and I know she doesn’t need to. She knows just as much about the rough life as I do. It’s weird how we found one another. Same with Anna, though. She’d been involved with a guy from an MC. I don’t know for sure that Heidi’s guy was part of a club, but I have a feeling he might have been, or at least affiliated, the way she talked about him.
“We’ll get settled in and grab a few hours’ sleep,” Axton announces as he begins to drive forward. “You’ll both be safe here.”
When we went to my apartment, I threw on a hoodie and matching sweatpants along with a pair of slides. I know I look like hell, but that’s okay because I feel like hell, too. I haven’t allowed what happened to me, and what could have happened to me, to penetrate yet.
I have a feeling that as soon as I attempt to close my eyes, everything is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. The thoughts are going to slam into me. The panic, it’s going to take over. I already know it’s going to come. There is no way I’ll be able to stop it from consuming me.
Axton parks next to a bike, and we all open our doors. Stepping out of the cab of the truck, I wince as the sunlight hits my face. It seems brighter up here in the mountains, or maybe I’m just that overtired.
“I’ll get your bags. You girls go on inside,” Axton calls out.
Heidi is right behind me, but I don’t look back at her. I can’t. When my eyes lock in on the building in front of me, it’s almost as if I can’t breathe. I didn’t think about what it would feel like to be here again.
The drive here, the scenic roadway, the views, and even the gate entrance hadn’t truly hit me. But being here, staring at this building, I wasn’t prepared for the rush of emotions. I’m back. I’m not the same, but this place is. I don’t know if I should be here. I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do.
I’m feeling mixed emotions… a million of them.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
MILLIE
“It’s going to be okay,”Heidi whispers from behind me as she slips her hand in mine and squeezes. “We’ll walk in together.”
I know it’s safe inside. Not a single one of those men would do a damn thing to ever hurt me. Especially not now that Axton has claimed me, but even before that, they’ve known me forever. They wouldn’t hurt me.Couldn’thurt me.
Iknoweverything is going to be okay, but this feels gigantic, beyond huge. Taking one step inside that building feels like I’m accepting everything. Sure, I’ve told Axton yes, that I want to be with him, but this feels so much bigger than even that.
Heidi squeezes my hand as she gently pulls me beside her. My feet are forced to move, and then the door opens, and the smells and sounds of the past slam into me. One step inside, and a million memories flood my brain.
Nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed. I’m not the eighteen-year-old girl I was ten years ago. I’ve matured,I’ve lived, and I’ve lost. But right now, there are remnants of the past that I’ll never be able to escape, and maybe I don’t want to.
My gaze slides around the room, taking it all in before it stops at the end of the bar. My god. There, where he’s always been, is Shocker. I don’t know why I figured he was probably dead. He’s not that old, but after hearing Shade had passed, I assumed everyone from back then who was older was gone.
But he’s not.
As if he can sense my gaze on him, Shocker slowly turns his head, his eyes flicking up and meeting mine. We stare at one another for a long moment. Then he stands, and I watch, frozen in place, as he closes the distance between us.
When his arms are wrapped around me, Heidi releases her grasp on my hand, and my arms automatically wrap around him. The bear hug feels beyond comforting, and I exhale a long, heavy breath, pinching my eyes closed.
Home.
“Shocker,” I whisper.
“It’s good to have you home, sweetheart.”
