He feels betrayed by my words.
He shouldn’t.
We would have been miserable. Sure, he was a grown man, but he wasn’t ready for a relationship. And I was a kid. We shouldn’t even have been together. It could never have been serious, even though that’s what I thought I wanted.
I would have been a shit old lady, because I wasn’t ready for it, not by a long shot. I needed to live life a little. Get some experience under my belt. Figure out who I was and what I really wanted out of life. At least that’s what I thought I needed.
I’m still not sure I have it all figured out. But I’m old enough and have lived enough at this point that I know I don’t need to have it all figured out by now, either. What I do have are some experiences. And those are worth their weight in gold.
“What the fuck?” he asks.
“I needed to grow up a lot,” I say. “I wasn’t ready for you, for what we could have been, and you certainly weren’t ready to settle down. We would have hurt one another over and over. Who knows where we would be right now had things gone any differently.”
He doesn’t respond, at least not with words. Instead, he turns to ice. In front of me is not the man who devoured me last night. This isn’t Axton Colter. No, this is Piggy the Vicious Reaper, and he’s pissed.
Good.
Maybe I was living in too much of a dream state, too sedated by his good dick and dreams of the past. Maybe this is exactly what I needed. To see him, all of him, the real him. If he thinks he wants me, that he wants to be with me, then he’d better realize I’m not just a sex doll.
I’m going to piss him off, and he’s going to piss me off, too.
I’m a person. I’m not perfect, and I’ll never pretend to be. He’s not either. And both of us being in this wild dream stateisn’t going to do either of us any favors. It’s better we figure it all out now.
Even if it hurts like hell, which I have a feeling it’s going to.
“Doesn’t matter,” he snaps. “I’m protecting you. Once the threat is eliminated, I’ll tell Bullet that you’re free.”
And that is that. He turns his back to me, obviously not wishing to discuss any of this further. That’s fine. If this is how he’s going to behave, maybe I don’t want to be with him. He’s forty-two, but right now, he’s not acting like it. I need a man in my life, not a boy.
Turning away from him, I walk to my bedroom, lock the door, and head toward the shower. Axton, Piggy, whatever the fuck he wants to act like… he can fuck himself.
Showered,in my pajamas, tucked into bed, I stare at the ceiling and wonder,What the fuck am I doing? Rolling onto one side, I stare at the blank wall. I really need to decorate this apartment.
Although I’m not sure what I would buy as far as artwork goes. I have never seen anything that’s moved me enough that I want it hanging on my wall to look at day in and day out.
Flopping onto my back again, I let out a heavy sigh. It’s almost five in the morning. I should be exhausted. Last night was insane and so tiring. I should be passed out asleep right now, but I can’t stop thinking about Axton, about our fight, about the fact that when I wake up in the afternoon, he might be gone, and I may never see him again.
He was pretty pissed, and I can’t pretend that I’m not, either.
But I’m selfish enough that I can push that all away for one more time. One more chance at my decades-long dream to cometrue. I know it’s not real. He doesn’t love me, and I was fooling myself to think that I loved him.
My foolish eighteen-year-old heart thought it loved him. And all those feelings came rushing back to me. I was in a fantasy, hoping it could become a reality, but that’s not the way life works.
I shouldn’t have let him inside my heart, but he never left it, so that would be impossible. Tonight is going to close the door, though, and I’m going to lock it with a key and never allow it to be reopened again.
No matter what.
Throwing the sheet and comforter off my legs, I shift them over the side of the bed and stand up straight. Slipping off my shorts, I leave them at my ankles and step out of them, then tug the hem of my tank over my head before tossing it on the floor as well.
Completely naked, I make my way out into the living room. Axton is on my sofa, lying on his back, his arm slung over his eyes. He’s still only wearing his boxer briefs, and I can’t help but lick my lips at the sight of his chest on display.
I should go back to my room and lock my door, but I don’t. One more night... or rather, morning.
One more time.
Closure.
That’s what this is going to be. For both of us.
