Truthfully, everything feels so heavy right now, like if I don’t make a decision, I might crumble under the weight.
I kick my feet to swing us again. “Seems like it’s now or never.”
“I promise it’s not. You have plenty of time to find out what makes you happy.” She pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. “You can’t be behind in your own life. It’s easy to get caught up in where you think you should be, but this is your timeline. You make the rules.”
A groan rumbles through me. Ilean over and rearrange myself to lay my head in her lap. “Then I might not be grown-up enough for this. It would be much easier if someone else made the rules for me.”
She laughs. “Well, I’ve actually retired from making the rules. That’s all on you now.”
Mom drifts her fingers through my hair, just like she always did when I was younger. Everything from soccer to school to boys—all of it could get sorted out while I was curled up next to my mom, letting her play with my hair.
“Be kind to yourself,” she insists. “You’re getting there. One day you’llknowit’s right, and you’ll leap for it.”
“I think that’s part of the problem. Idon’t know that I’m brave enough to leap. Everything is so risky, and I’ve fallen so many times at this point—ideas and jobs and decisions that I thought were going to work out and didn’t. And I have no way of knowing if this will end the same.”
She sighs. “Life is risky. All our decisions risksomething, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right one. It also doesn’t mean the path is easy. You might want to give up a thousand times in the process, but that doesn’t make it the wrong path.” Her nails drag gently over my scalp. “You remember the story of how I met your dad, right?”
I grin. “Yeah.” My sisters and I used to beg for this story, never tiring of hearing about the moment they met on a train in Seattle. Mom had her nose in a book, one hand wrapped around a post. When the train stopped abruptly, she fell forward, right into Dad’s arms. He invited her to dinner, and the rest is history.
“But did I ever tell you why I was on that train?”
Rolling onto my back, I look up at her. “Not that I remember.”
She smiles, her gaze drifting out to where Dad is working. “I’d moved to Seattle for this one job—left my family in Colorado, packed up my car with all my belongings, and driven all the way up there—just to find out I hated the job. Idespisedit, so I quit. I was in tears on a daily basis as the reality set in that I’d taken this huge risk and failed. A few weeks later, I hadn’t found another job yet and I was running out of money, so I sold my car. As I drove to meet the buyer, I was sobbing into the steeringwheel, heartbroken over getting rid of the last valuable thing I had. But I left it with the buyer and took the train home.” She shrugs a shoulder. “Lo and behold, the man I was going to marry was on the very same train. I’d taken a lot of risks and failed at a few things to get to that day, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met your dad.”
My lips twist with emotion. Tears prick behind my eyes. “Sounds like fate.”
“That’s exactly how it felt that night. Like everything had actually gone perfectly to plan.”
It’s easy to put myself in her shoes because I’ve done it so many times—made a big decision and regretted it—but I’ve never thought about what I gained through those perceived failures.
If I hadn’t quit those other jobs, I wouldn’t have ended up at Hawkins, where my employee discount has made it much easier to renovate the A-frame. If I hadn’t messed up the leaky pipe, I never would’ve unpacked Gramps’s boxes. If I hadn’t needed Theo’s help with the drywall, I wouldn’t have found the photos from the bookshops.
Everything has woven together to bring me to this very moment.
She pulls back and scans my expression. “Is there a certain risk you’re thinking about taking?”
Nerves bubble in my stomach. “I don’t know if I’m quite ready to share it yet.”
“Well, let me know when you’re ready.” The porch swing squeaks as we go back and forth a few times. “But no matter what, your dad and I will be cheering for you the entire way.” Her hand curves around my cheek. “And you never know what’s waiting on the other side—whether things work out the way you planned them or not. Everything will be all right in the end. And if it’s not all right, it’s not the end.”
Chapter 31
Theo
“Can you keep a secret?” Dave asks, slamming the end of his pick into the ground.
We’re fixing a muddy spot by the barn, digging out a temporary path for the water to drain, then later this week we’ll create a more permanent solution. Mud is caked onto our boots, splattered up our jeans, and there’s even some in Dave’s gray hair. But we’ve got warm coffee Mary delivered a little while ago, a belly full of her delicious blueberry muffins, and a crackly radio playing Jefferson Starship. It’s a great morning.
“Is it about Fable?” I glance back to where she and her mom are sitting on the porch swing.
“I’m smart enough to know you shouldn’t be keeping secrets about your partner.” He winks and my ears feel hot. It’s one thing to be in a fake-relationship-with-benefits with Fable; it’s an entirely different thing for her father to call attention to it. “No, this is about Finn and Millie.”
“Then yes, please.”
“Finn took the day off work yesterday to drive down and tell us he’s going to propose to Millie.”
A smile streaks across my face. “That’s exciting!”
