My stomach tangles in knots. “What do you think Auggie would say if he knew?”
“I can’t predict exactly what he would think, but Icantell you that he wants both of you to be happy. And I know deep down, even if he had a little bit of a struggle with it at first, he would come around. At least by next Christmas, for sure.” She snorts a laugh as she hip-checks me. “But I’m willing to bet that this thing between you and Gavin isn’t just one night. I mean, you couldn’t even make it one full day without scandalizing the pantry.”
Her words crawl into my ears, bouncing around my mind as we make our way back to the house.
She’s right. I couldn’t last one day in his presence without needing to touch him again.
But hopefully, by the time I’m driving away in two days, the distance between us will lessen the need for him.
27
GAVIN
“This thing is half as tall as the tree,” Auggie says in astonishment as we set the top level onto the new dollhouse.
I step back, snagging a cookie from Santa’s plate on the coffee table. Gluten-free almond spritz cookies, with a buttery flavor that melts in my mouth. I’ve had … maybe this is number ten? I’m not sure. Counting Christmas cookies should be illegal.
Zara’s and Lena’s giggles drift from the couch, where they’re snuggled together with a sleeping Noah. They’ve found Auggie and me struggling through this late-night dollhouse-construction project quite entertaining, judging by their snarky comments and endless laughter.
Auggie tightens the last screw and swipes his hand over the red roof. “That should do it. They’re gonna love it.”
I drop onto the open couch and watch as he pushes the house over a few feet and presses a big green bow to the top. He stands next to it with a proud grin, fingers tapping together as he surveys all the gifts.
When Auggie and I met as freshman roommates in college, we quickly discovered how different our personalities are. He’s bubbly and open and has never met a stranger. Meanwhile, I’m quiet, closed-off, and a steadfast introvert.
But Auggie was the first person whowantedto be around me and who wouldn’t let me drift into the shadows like I’m inclined to. When I was struggling through college, barely surviving my depression and thoughts of self-harm, he was constantly there. He managed to worm his way into my life and never let me shut him out. He has a magical ability to bring out the best in me, and I don’t know how he does it.
I owe him my life.
So when he brought up moving from Eugene to Juniper to help restore their historic downtown, I agreed without a second thought. I trust him entirely.
As I snag another cookie, Auggie examines his kids’ stockings. He straightens their contents and positions them perfectly for tomorrow morning.
Watching him weighs my chest down with longing.
Will that ever be me? Will there ever come a Christmas where I’m fixing stockings and preparing gifts for my own children?
Helping create that magic for Auggie and Zara’s kids is fun, but I would love to do it for my own one day.
Right now, though, that reality seems impossible.
My eyes land on Lena, like thinking of having children automatically means I should look her way. Noah’s cradled in her arms like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
She would make a fantastic mom. Protective and fierce, loving and compassionate.
And I can’t help but wonder who that lucky partner will be. She’ll find someone eventually, and I’ll have to meet them and pretend to like them.
Even as jealousy grips my throat.
“Ready for bed?” Auggie asks, offering a hand to Zara.
She kisses Lena’s cheek and whispers something into her ear that makes a pink flush slide over Lena’s face and down her throat. Then she picks up Noah, and they wish us good night as they ascend the stairs.
Lena watches me in silence while they walk to their room.
My body is an anxious, jittery live wire, electrified with the need to touch her. Like maybe one point of contact with her skin would calm my nerves and my racing heart.
I’m like a fiend. I just needone morehit.
