My heart shrinks a little, and my laughter sobers. “Lena, I want to be your friend more than you know.” I swallow tightly before admitting, “I missed you.”
She turns to me with a heavy determination in the tense set of her brows. “I missed you too.” Her shoulders lift in a quick shrug. “We used to be close, but now I know nothing about you. I don’t know why you left, why you’re back, what’s been going on since. And I feel like there’s a dark shadow over our friendship from all these things left unsaid.”
As my chest constricts, I spot Auggie pulling up to park beside us. He smiles and waves through his window, oblivious to what’s happening inside the car.
I only have a moment to wrap this conversation up, even though I need days.
“I wish I could explain everything. It would make this so much easier.” Emotion catches in my throat. “Just know that I really want to be friends with you again.” My lips tug up in a grin. “Pretend it’s my Christmas wish.”
A soft “okay” whispers from her lips. Then she clears her throat, and her voice sounds steadier when she adds, “Friends, then?”
She reaches out her hand for me to shake, and I slide mine around her soft skin without hesitation. She meets my stare, a small grin tweaking the corner of her lips. And with one jerky lift, our agreement is settled, and she releases my hand to pull on her gloves.
“I’ll be right there. I need to answer a few emails,” I tell her, picking up my phone from the console.
But instead, after she gets out of the car, I stare blankly at the screen.
I just agreed to be friends with Lena, when only moments ago, I had a goddamn hard-on while imagining my best friend’s sister with my dick in her mouth.
Smearing that lipstick. Gripping her hair tight. Groaning her name.
Fuck.How do I look Auggie in the eye five minutes after that?
I’ve worked with him every day for years, and I see Zara and the kids at least once a week in Eugene. But even they don’t know where I’ve been the last two Christmases.
They don’t know I desperately wished I was with them while also hating myself for it at the same time.
I spent my entire childhood bouncing between foster homes, always a little toosomethingto be loved. Too old, too big, too boy, too hard to care for at every turn.
I’ve never felt important. Or good enough. Or worth the effort it takes to love me.
After getting to know Auggie in college, he encouraged me to go to therapy. I put it off for years, always giving some excuse as to why that wasn’t the right time.
But when I graduated, I finally called someone. Auggie drove me to my first appointment, waited for me, and then took me out for a beer after.
He’s taken care of me since the day we met, and I owe him everything.
He and his family are the only true home I’ve ever known.
Yet here I am, spoiling it with my feelings for Lena.
She’s always been a shameless flirt. I’ve witnessed her act the same way with other people, so it’s not like I think it’s something special for me.
But my heart and dick don’t seem to be getting that message. They’re enjoying her attention way more than they’re supposed to.
I should probably avoid being alone with her. We can be friends who keep a buffer around us at all times. That’s normal, right?
Through the windshield, I watch as she pulls her hat over her ears and swoops an arm over Luci's petite shoulders, a field full of trees rolling down the hill behind her. Pen and Jack have pulled their dad and Bea off in one direction, and Zara holds Noah beside Lena.
This is fine. We have buffers. I can handle this.
Snapping open the car door, I join the group just as Lena steers them toward the foggy windows of the bakery.
“I need a peppermint mocha first,” she announces.
“It’s only been three hours since you had one,” I grumble, shaking my head as I follow after her.
“And my blood sugar is feeling a little peaky,” she snarks, batting her lashes at me over her shoulder.
