His throat works on a swallow, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what we were talking about. It could’ve been elephants, for all I know at this point.
Because the only thing I can think about is how much Imissedhim. I didn’t know how bad the pain of it had been until this moment.
“I need someone to drive to Fern River tomorrow.” Mama’s voice cuts through my thoughts like a blade, severing my connection with Gavin. “Our grocery store had everything we needed except for gluten-free bread.”
“I can go,” Gavin offers. “That way I can get a few more things I might need this week.”
Mama stares at me across the table and lifts her brows in a way that saysyou volunteer. But I give her a subtle shake of my head, because likehellam I going to trap myself in a car with him for the hour-long drive to Fern River and then do it all over again on the way back.
“I can go with you,” Auggie offers, his brunette curls waving as he nods to Gavin.
But to my horror, Mama says, “Lena will go.” She points between Gavin and me. “You go to the store together and work out whatever is going on. Don’t come back until you have.”
Heavy silence settles over the table. Even the children, who have no clue what’s going on, have paused to watch the scene.
I want to throw my napkin on the table and run away in a tantrum to rival one of Jack’s. But Mama has already focused back on her food, having said what she wanted and knowing we will follow her instructions.
The heat radiating off Gavin warms my arm as the table returns to normal. But we both stay silent as we look over our bowls, and I pick at my food for the rest of the meal.
4
GAVIN
“Let’s go, sunshine,” Lena grumbles as she stomps past me to the front door, her bright-red jacket and forest-green leggings accessorized by purple snow boots and a yellow knit hat.
I look down at my black boots, black jeans, black jacket, and, of course, black sweater.
Should be noted, my boxer briefs are also black.
She looks like she belongs at the North Pole, serving up decadent hot cocoa and at least five types of Christmas cookies. Probably doing some carol singing too.
Meanwhile, I look like the modern version of the Grinch as I trudge behind her out the door.
In the driveway, she walks straight to her small SUV and opens the driver’s door.
“How about we take my car?” I offer, surveying her nearly bald tires. I honestly can’t believe she made it all the way here with the snowy road conditions last night.
She tilts her head and scowls at me, her fingers gripping the top of her door. “I’m not a passenger princess, Gav. I can drive.”
My chest warms at the nickname, despite how cold it is outside. That’s the first time I’ve heard it in years, and the sound of it in her sweet, raspy voice makes me want to get on my knees and beg her to say it again.
Stifling the urge, I shrug and tell her, “I was just offering to be nice.”
Her lips curve up slowly. “Get in the damn car.”
As I buckle my seat belt, I have the unsettling realization that I didn’t think this arrangement through. When Bea ordered us to go to the store together, it seemed reasonable. Maybe we could clear the air between us and take one step back toward the playful friendship we used to have.
In the past, it was normal for us to drive to the store for the sixty-eighth forgotten ingredient for our holiday dinner. Lena would make fun of my strict sticking-to-the-list method of shopping, and I would tease her for her ability to turn our short list into a car full of groceries we didn’t need.
I’ve never been able to tell her no, even if it meant we ended up with seven types of cheeses, ten cracker options, and more wine than our group could possibly drink.
But those car rides to the store never felt likethis.
Like static tension covers my body, and the slightest touch to Lena or anything that belongs to her would shock me harder than a live wire.
Her tangy, citrusy scent drenches the car, and I’m surrounded by it, completely unable to escape.
An old to-go coffee cup with a red lipstick stain on the edge sits between us, and I’d be willing to bet my entire savings account that it was a peppermint mocha.
