1
LENA
“Cleaning puke off my new Christmas pajamas just isn’t a part of my journey this year,” I inform Millie as my tires screech on the pavement, trying to gain traction on the hill up to my mom’s house.
“But if you come back here, we could be sick in a blanket fort together.” My best friend’s voice is laced with disappointment as it echoes through the car speakers. “We can hide in there and rewatchBridgertonwhile Finn plays nurse for us.”
“Mmm, being waited on by your boyfriend does sound tempting. Is he going to dress up? I might be willing to risk a stomach bug for that.”
This was going to be the first year I spent the week of Christmas away from my family.Ever. But my plan to stay in Wilhelmina with Millie and her new family imploded this morning when Finn’s niece, Eloise, threw up all over their game of Uno.
“I’ll get online right now and order a costume as a last-minute gift,” Millie says. “Think they make sexy nurse outfits big enough to fit him?”
Our combined laughter fills the car as I reach my mom’s two-story cabin and park behind her SUV. “He’s going to hate me for giving you this idea. I’ll be subjected to even more of his scowls and eye rolls. It’s a wonder he’s not sick of me yet.”
“If he was, we’d have to seriously reconsider our arrangements over here,” she says. “He’d be sleeping in Pepper’s dog bed from then on.”
I snort a laugh as I unbuckle my seat belt. “I’m about to become an even clingier best friend just so I can see that.” Pulling my keys from the ignition, I twist them in my grip. “I’m here, Mills.”
A whoosh of breath crackles over the line as she sighs, the sound dousing me with the urge to hug her. “Okay. Everything is going to be great. They’ll be so excited you ended up coming, and at least you don’t have to spend your week with a stomach virus.”
“I will pray to Santa and Mrs. Claus that everyone feels better soon,” I promise.
“Thanks,” she sighs. “Love you. Try to forget all the job stuff for a week. It can wait until you get back.”
“Love you too, and I’ll try. Kiss your girls for me. And sneak a picture if you get Finn in that costume.”
When the call ends, I blow out a long breath, letting my gaze trace over the white Christmas lights trimming the house and the golden glow shining from the windows.
Millie’s words echo in my head.Forget about the job stuff.
Is that even possible? It’s been a constant weight on my shoulders since my dreams of being an art teacher crumbled around me two weeks ago. I’d hoped that spending the holidays with Millie’s family would be a breath of fresh air, a chance for something different.
Millie and her family have been the perfect distraction from all the negative thoughts in my head lately. At their house, everything is loud, joyous, and carefree.
Mine, on the other hand?
It’s too quiet now that Millie and Pepper have moved out. Too calm and boring and void of friendship.
Maybe I should look into adopting a dog.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Millie and Finn. It makes me want to scream from the top of the Wilhelmina Natural Science Museum that I was an integral part of forcing those two clueless scientists together.
When Millie and Finn make eyes at each other across the room, and his lips kick up like he’s completely smitten with her, it makes my heart warm and fuzzy. And when my other best friends, Micah and Emil, hold hands in the car while we drive to dinner, it makes me grin like a proud mom.
But my own loneliness still hangs like a collar around my neck, reminding me I don’t have what my friends do.
I can be happy for them and sad for myself at the same time, I think. I’ve spent my whole life feeling that way.
My role isbest friend support system. The one to help send that firmly worded text. The one who has their back against a bully. The one who pumps them up when they need a pep talk.
It’s an honor to protect the people I care about.
But occasionally, I want my own person to help protectme.
I firmly believe I can make my way in the world without a partner, but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes I’m simplylonely.
Sometimes I wish I had someone to laugh at my ridiculous day and remind me to eat a real meal every once in a while. Someone to cuddle up to on the couch and have inside jokes with. Someone to lean on when I’m not feeling my strongest, and who can guide me in the right direction when I’m feeling lost.
