“He wants to go on a date with you, and you’re out with us?” Lena’s shrill voice rings in my ears. “We love you, but none of us are going to drop to our knees for you like that man would.”
My cheeks flame. “I still can’t date him.”
“Why?” everyone choruses at once.
“Two reasons.” I hold up a finger. “One. He’s on the hiring committee for my promotion. I’m not sleeping my way to that job.”
“Millie,” Lena interjects with a devious grin. “Everyone loves a forbidden relationship.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down.
I ignore her and continue, adding a finger to my count. “Second, I don’t know if I’m ready to date after Kyle. You were all there for the aftermath of that, and sometimes I don’t know if I have my head on straight yet. He ruined my self-esteem so badly, chipping away at it until I had lost who I was. What if that’s just how I am in relationships? What if I don’t notice it when it happens again?”
The mood around the table shifts, sobering to a calm quiet. And in the silence, the sound ofhisvoice echoes in my brain.
You’ve put on some weight.
If you stop by my office, you need to wear one of the outfits I picked out.
You’re crazy if you think I’m taking you somewhere looking like that.
Why do you need to see your family again?
Oh, stop crying. I was just having a little fun.
I always brushed it off. Disregarded the words because he said he loved me. I convinced myself that’s just what boyfriends do sometimes.
But slowly, I couldn’t find myself anymore. I lost track of all the things that made meme. Everything I did was to please him, and even when I gave it all my best effort, there was always something else he wanted to change.
My friends and family were all searching for the wound, trying to figure out what was wrong, but I couldn’t tell them where it was, because I didn’t even know how to find it myself.
Emil covers my hand with his. “Has Finn made you feel that way? Like you’re losing yourself?”
I shake my head, wiping a tear that falls down my cheek. “Never. Not at all.”
Lena stands and wraps her arms around me. “How you felt in your relationship with Kyle is onhim. It wasn’t you in any way.”
“She’s right,” Micah agrees. “I wish that shithead was here so we could all take a swing at him.”
Emil nods. “A hard knee to the balls.”
Lena kneels next to me, her jeans hitting the gummy linoleum floors. She grabs my cheeks in her hands and turns me to face her. “His manipulating and gaslighting and control issues didn’tbreak you, Mills. You are strong in spite of him—in spite of everything you went through. And wouldn’t it be the best retribution to get your own happily ever after one day? Because you will. Whether it’s now or in ten years, you’ll be in a healthy, loving, stable relationship, and he’ll still belong in a dumpster with the rest of the trash.” She wipes away the tears dripping from my eyes, her fierce expression holding me captive.
“But what if I’m not tough like you? You’re the one graced with all the bravery and strength.”
“You don’t have to be the loudest in the room to be the strongest. You’re as brave and strong as me—you simply don’t believe it yet. But we’ll show you. We’ll cheer for you and encourage you until you realize what we’ve always seen.”
I nod, trying my best to believe her.
“Can we do an experiment?” Lena asks, putting her hands on my knees.
“What kind of experiment?” I ask skeptically.
“Just a visualization exercise.” She gives a casual shrug.
A collective groan resounds from Micah, Emil, and me.
“You and your visualizations,” I grumble.
Lena smiles. “I think you’ll like this one.”
