I’d forgotten. “What did they say out there?”
“I don’t want you speaking with the detectives without me present.”
“Why?” I protested. “I’m not a little girl.”
“I am your attorney. It would not be smart to speak with the police without me in the room.”
“I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“Just to be safe. It’s very possible the drug found in Ali’s bloodstream incapacitated him and caused the crash.”
“But ... I don’t get it.” I couldn’t make sense of this new information. “Why would Ali have Xanax in his system? Do you think it’s another thing he lied about?”
“I don’t know. What we do know for sure is that Ali didn’t brake before he hit that tree. It’s plausible he crashed because the drug made him pass out.”
“Could he have taken a Xanax by accident?” I grasped for an answer that computed. “Maybe he wanted a pain reliever for a bad headache or something and someone gave him Xanax by mistake.”
“Until we know more, it’s better that I be present whenever you talk to the police,” Nasser said. “Ali was something of a local celebrity. I’m guessing the police want to do their due diligence in the event the tox report gets leaked. The reporters at Ali’s TV station would be all over the story if foul play is suspected.”
It was only later that I was able to process what Nasser didn’t want to tell me outright. That if someone drugged Ali right before he got behind the wheel, his death might soon be investigated as a homicide. It wouldn’t be long before the police went looking for suspects.
And anyone who watches detective shows knows that the first person they look at is the wife.
I drove straight to the kids’ school right after Nasser and the detectives left. I might not be able to protect my children from the truth, but they deserved to at least hear it directly from me. Before leaving, I stopped to gas up, absentmindedly scanning the other cars at the pumps while I filled my tank and wondered how to tell Ayla and Adam that their dad had a strange drug in his system when he died. Naturally, I was especially concerned about how Ayla would take the news.
My gaze landed on a vintage-looking sports car. What drew my attention was its burnt-orange color. When I was little, my parents drove a station wagon in that same vibrant shade. People used to compliment the color all the time. I briefly wondered why manufacturers stopped making cars in fun colors. The gas nozzle clicked off. My tank was full. It was time to get on the road.
Two hours later, the kids and I were walking along a trail near the college.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to go for a walk in the park?” Ayla asked. She wore baggy sweats and looked like she’d forgotten to brush her hair that morning. Ayla had rarely appeared disheveled before her father died.
“I would prefer to go on a real hike,” I answered. The college was nestled in Virginia’s scenic Shenandoah Valley. Ali and I had always meant to come out for a hike with the kids. The one time we tried, it rained so hard that we went to lunch instead.
Adam trailed behind us holdingBinti’s leash. “I can’t believe you got a dog after we left home.” She and Adam had instantly become friends.Bintiloved anyone who walked her.
“She’s good company,” I said.
“I’m glad you got her, Mom,” Ayla said. “She’s adorable.”
“Why are you really here?” Adam paused to letBintido her business. “If you came just to see if we’re OK, as you can see, we are.”
“How about you?” I looked at Ayla.
“I’m fine.” She looked away. “Just leave it alone.”
An obvious lie. “Have you thought any more about seeing a grief counselor? That might help. I could set it up.”
“Mom,” she snapped. “Stop.”
I felt impotent. I wanted to assist my daughter, but she clearly wasn’t ready yet. “OK, but if you change your mind about seeing a counselor—”
“I won’t,” she cut me off. “Are you going to tell us why you’re here or not?”
I reluctantly let the subject drop. For now. “I know you two are strong and resilient.” I swallowed hard, looking ahead. It was almost November. The leaves were beginning to fall, resulting in half-dressed trees lining the path. “Together, the three of us can get through anything.” If I said it enough, maybe I’d start to believe it.
“It’s not like we have any choice,” Ayla said in a flat voice.
I inhaled long and deep. “I came because I have something to tell you.”
