I bit my lip. “Not that I can tell.”
But the incident didn’t strike me as a random break-in perpetuated by delinquent teenagers. Only Ali’s car was tampered with, making the intrusion feel targeted. First someone had ransacked Ali’s home office and now his car. What did Ali have that they wanted badly enough to break in not once but twice? How far would they go to get it?
Could it be related to Cozy Glenn? It was obvious that someone out there didn’t want me to know what the deal was with that house. Maybe they thought Ali kept papers related to Cozy Glenn at home or in his car. Jake had asked for Ali’s business papers too. Was that somehow related?
I told the officer about the previous break-in, and he conscientiously took detailed notes and promised to update me if they developed any leads. After the police left, I quickly locked up and scurried back to the safety of my bedroom.
I hated feeling unsafe in my own home. A place that had always been a sanctuary for me. I’d spent hours over the years choosing the right paint colors, furniture, and decor to make it the perfect home for me and my family. I took a lot of pride in the life that I’d made here with Ali and the kids.
But now, instead of feeling like my safe place, the house felt big and empty and scary. These days, I was always relieved whenever someone, like Lulu, Nasser, or Claudia, popped by so that I wasn’t alone.
It took me a long time to fall asleep. I was too wired and couldn’t call Lulu or Nasser. I didn’t want to wake them up. Besides, they’d insist that I go stay somewhere else. But I still hated the idea of leaving the house.
Despite everything, while the world shifted around me, I continued to feel more grounded in the home where I’d lived with Ali and our family than anywhere else. The happiest times of my life had happened here. Besides, I’d already physically lost Ali. And now I faced losing the idea of who I thought he was. This house felt like one of the last touchstones left of my former life.
As I lay in bed, a million thoughts raced through my mind as unease trembled through me. The house had been broken into for asecondtime, and I still didn’t know why. Giving in and going to Lulu’s was tempting. I’d feel much more protected there. It was clear now that Ali had been my security blanket and that, on some level, I’d been living in fear since he died.
I’d found certainty in my roles of wife and mother. My identity was tied to being something to someone—wife to Ali, mother to Ayla and Adam—rather than a woman in my own right. The truth was that I’d been very reliant on my husband and was terrified of living the rest of my life without him.
Moving in with Lulu would be like admitting I couldn’t make it on my own.
That left me with no choice. Ihadto stay put.
When I finally started to drift off, it was almost daylight. I felt secure in my decision. At least the new security system had kept me safe. It was comforting to know that a real live person somewhere out there was monitoring my house. Whoever the intruder was, he now knew I had a surveillance system. Maybe that would deter him. If not, I always had the pepper spray within reach.
But what if that wasn’t enough?
“You look like hell,” Lulu said that afternoon when she met me at the animal shelter in Falls Church.
“Gee.” I suppressed a yawn after a fraught night with little sleep. “Thanks.”
I still hadn’t told her or Nasser about last night. If they discovered the truth, they’d pressure me to stay with my sister or a friend. But, even in the bright light of day, my feelings about leaving my house hadn’t changed.
“I guess you’re not sleeping well?” Lulu asked.
“Nope.” I knuckled my tired eyes. “That’s why we’re here.”
Her eyes widened when she realized what I was saying. “You’re getting a dog?”
“You guessed it.”
“You said you’d never get another dog after Hummus died.”
“My circumstances have changed.”
Ali and I had adopted Hummus, an adorable mixed breed, from a shelter when the kids were young. I’d grown up with dogs, but Ali had never had a pup and was eager to get one. We all loved Hummus, and the kids were devastated when he died of canine distemper when they were in elementary school.
We entered the kennel where shelter dogs available for adoption were kept. Excited barking and yelping echoed off the cement walls. Lulu pointed to a fluffy little black dog hiding in the corner of its pen.
“That one’s cute.”
“I’m not looking for cute.” I kept moving. “Cute and fluffy isn’t going to scare anyone.”
“Hmm.” She followed me, looking at the caged animals as we walked. “So, what you’re looking for is a guard dog. There are lots of pit bulls. They can be vicious.”
“I don’t want a dog that scares me more than the bad guys.”
“Are you still worried about the break-in? Please come stay with me. We’d love to have you.”
