“It’s just a little coding error,” Barney used to tell her, his hand on her face. Another tech joke. “I will debug you of that, my darling. No more apologizing.” She didn’t get to debug him of any faults because he said his former wives had already pointed out all his faults and he’d rectified them.I’m bug-free, baby,he said.You got the latest version. State of the art.Naked and wet out of the shower, playing air guitar, putting his whole body into it, pelvis tipped, head back, one arm windmilling. So silly so sexy so easy to love. He won first place in an air guitar competition in college, before he dropped out. He was proud of his air guitar skills.
The driver says, “I just have to say, if you’ve got a big day ahead of you, you should know you look amazing.”
Honey smiles without opening her eyes. She knows she looks amazing. “Thank you.”
She’s wearing a cocktail dress with a crystal-embellished neckline and draped sleeves. A messy chignon. Barney’s favorite hairstyle for her. It takes a lot of time to look like you just got out of bed. He won’t get to pull out the pins tonight. Smudgy rock-star eye makeup. Right on the edge of too much. You want to give the idea of a hangover without looking like you truly are hungover. It’s an art. A lost art.
“Are you a model? You actually seem ... maybe a little familiar?”
Honey opens her eyes and stares at the purple starlit sky above her.
“No,” she says after a moment. “I’m not a model. Not tall enough.”
“Well, but you’re ... stunning. Sorry! No more talking. I talk too much when I’m nervous.”
“That’s OK,” says Honey. It seems they are talking.
“Do you mind me asking what application you use for your makeup?”
“I do it myself,” says Honey. “I used to be a makeup artist.”
“Oh right,” says the girl. “I guess it takes a really long time?”
“Yes,” says Honey. “But I like it. It’s like you with the driving. I like the control.”
“I get it,” says the girl. She turns her head, and Honey looks at her contouring. It’s fine. Perfectly fine. But there is something flat about AI makeup. No personality. No artistry. She knows exactly how she would shadow and illuminate this girl’s features, but so what? It would take at least an hour, and AI does it in minutes.
“Anyway! Sorry! Please rest!” The girl gives her cheek a little slap. “Quiet, Taylor!”
Honey says, “My mother’s name was Taylor.”
The girl beams. “After that old-timey singer, right?”
“That’s right,” says Honey. She takes off her sunglasses. “What were some examples of this guy’s controlling behavior?”
Taylor considers Honey’s question as she drives. “Well. Here’s an example. He told me that his preferred relationship style was monogamy.”
Honey waits, and when it is clear that Taylor has nothing more to add, she says, “Do you not like monogamy?”
“Oh, no, Ilovemonogamy!” says Taylor. “It’s totally the best of all the relationship styles, but he never asked me what I liked! For all he knew I preferred an open relationship, polyamory, ethical nonmonogamy, whatever! It was just like: This is what I like, so this is what’s happening! So controlling!”
“I see,” says Honey. “Well that’s ...” She is at a loss.
Her phone vibrates like a rattlesnake. She sees the nameLuisa Longand ignores it.
Luisa Long messaged Honey ten minutes after Mac gave her the news of Barney’s death.??When you feel ready, Honey, will you please give me a call to arrange a time to discuss the funeral, I’m so very sorry for your loss, we are all devastated.??
When Honey eventually called, Luisa Long said she would be happy to take into account Honey’s wishes for the funeral,along with the wishes of all the other family members, of course. Honey said she had no preferences. She understood this was not a funeral for an ordinary suburban husband. She would stand and sit where she was told.
Luisa Long didn’t sound devastated, but surely she must be. Back in the famous “garden shed” days when the “Genius Teens,” best friends in high school, started their fledgling business, Luisa Long was the little girl who lived next door to Barney. She used to bring the boys snacks while they worked. She tidied their shed. Eventually she took care of all their administration. She made herself so useful she eventually became indispensable.
Honey was already married to Barney before she fully understood the degree to which Luisa Long managed every aspect of Barney’s and Mac’s lives. She’s rarely referred to as Luisa. Always her full name: Luisa Long. It’s just one of those names.
Luisa Long doesn’t like Honey. Barney always said not to take it personally because Luisa Long doesn’t like anyone. She’s not a people person, although sheisa person. Honey had at first been convinced she was a bot, and Barney had laughed and said Luisa’s efficiency was certainly inhuman and that it was funny she should say that because they’d been modeling some new productivity-based technology—but then he’d been distracted by Honey’s cleavage.
He said Honey’s cleavage was one of the natural wonders of the world. It is natural. Once she’d been feeding the baby and watching garbage on her tablet, and she’d seen footage of an aesthetic engineer analyzing photos of celebrities and been amazed to see her own face pop up on the screen. The aesthetic engineer had reeled off all the “work” he could tell she’d had done. He spoke with such confidence and authority about Honey Beckett’s “breast augmentation” that Honeyhad almost begun to doubt herself. The whole segment felt more truthful than the truth. She’d looked down at her baby, suckling on her purple-veined, swollen breast.
“I’m pretty sure I never augmented,” she said.
