Zoe frowned. She could have asked Lavender to be more specific, but she supposed she could also just walk into her office and find out for herself. If Lavender was in one of her smug moods – and it seemed she was – then the latter option would probably be less irritating. So she shrugged off her coat as she went through to find out who was waiting for her.
Fern was sitting on the examination table, her feet dangling over the edge. She’d seemed tense, but a wave of relief crossed her features as she saw Zoe walk in.
‘Hello!’ Zoe hung her coat on a peg by the door. ‘How are you? I had wondered if you’d come in again.’
‘Sorry about before. Arwen said…well, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s nice, you know; she cares about me.She means well, and she knows about loads of things…natural remedies, you know.’
‘Yes.’ Zoe pulled a chair over to sit across from her. ‘I think you said that. I don’t doubt it. I thought perhaps you’d decided to stay under her care after all. Everything’s all right at the commune? Nobody’s making life difficult for you or anything like that? I know before you said it was fine, but if there was something you wanted to tell me, I can be discreet, and I wouldn’t judge at all.’
‘It’s not like that.’ Fern’s tone was defensive again.
Zoe realised she’d overstepped. ‘Sorry. You have to forgive me. I don’t know much about anyone there, and it’s my job to see every eventuality in a situation – just to make sure I have all the bases covered, you understand. All I care about is keeping my mums and their babies safe, and sometimes I suppose I might see problems when there aren’t any. So if it’s all good, was there some other reason you came to see me? Have you changed your mind about going for a hospital scan? Arwen would be able to go with you if you wanted to have one, you know.’
‘I haven’t decided yet. I think I might, but I don’t know if Arwen would agree to go with me.’
‘You have someone else, maybe? I don’t mind going with you if you need me to.’
Fern stared at her. ‘You’d do that?’
‘Of course. And I wouldn’t do it for just anyone, so take it as a compliment.’
‘If I told you something…’ Fern turned away to stare out of the window. Zoe waited for her to begin again. ‘Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I only wanted to ask you about being sick. Arwen made this juice for me. It smells weird, but she says it will stop me feeling sick.’
‘What’s in it?’
Fern shrugged. ‘Do you think it will be all right for me to drink it?’
‘It’s hard to say if I don’t know what’s in it. Arwen loves her natural remedies, doesn’t she?’
‘Yes. If it’s natural, then it has to be all right, doesn’t it? That’s what Arwen said. She said if there’s only nature’s pantry in there, then how can it harm me?’
Zoe was tempted to give a few examples of nature’s pantry that she wouldn’t ask anyone to eat or drink, but she didn’t think her sarcastic response would help and so she bit it back. ‘I really couldn’t say. Did you take it?’
Fern reached into her coat pocket and pulled out what looked like a rinsed-out pop bottle with some brown liquid sloshing around in it. ‘I thought I would show you first.’ She held it out.
Zoe took the bottle, though she wasn’t sure what she was meant to do with it.
‘You can open it if you want to sniff,’ Fern said.
‘Fern, please don’t be offended, but I don’t think I do want to sniff it. I don’t even want to look at it. As a student, I watched an enema, and what’s in here looks like what came out of that poor patient. I’m sure it’s great and was made with love, but I wouldn’t put it anywhere near my face, let alone drink it.’
‘Arwen said you’d be cynical about natural remedies. She said you wouldn’t understand what didn’t come from a lab.’
Zoe put the bottle on the desk and folded her arms. ‘I don’t think that’s fair. I think it’s Arwen who doesn’t understand that what comes from nature can be useful, but it’s silly to discount science. When done properly, nature and science can work brilliantly alongside one another. For instance, women in my care have natural births all the time, and usually it’s great, but if they run into trouble, then science can save the day. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I wish Arwen would come and talk to me properly. She’s accusing me of having a closed mind, butI think it’s her who needs to be more open. Maybe, if you come to see me again, she can come with you, then we can have a chat about it. I’m happy for her to look to nature for solutions, as long as they’re safe and proven. Yes, let her make a drink to help with your sickness, just as long as what’s in it doesn’t make things worse.’
Zoe wondered if that was all Fern had come to see her about. It was a lot of effort just to show her a bottle of dirty water. Had Fern snuck out of the commune to come here? It was early – maybe she had gone before anyone else was up.
‘I don’t think she’d do that,’ Fern said after a gap.
‘Well, if she decides she does want to come, my door is always open.’
There was another pause and then, like a stopper being forced from a bottle, Fern’s next sentence almost exploded from her. ‘I want to leave the commune!’
Zoe sat down again. Here it was, the real reason Fern was here. She didn’t say anything because she could see she wasn’t done.
‘It’s too…’ Fern seemed to be reaching for the right words, looking over each one and then dismissing it in her mind. ‘People,’ she said finally. ‘There’s people all the time. When I don’t want them, all times of the night and day. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much.’
Zoe sat to attention. What was Fern trying to tell her? ‘Fern, nobody is bothering you in a…sinister way?—’
