‘You will be.’
‘He’s my dad!’
‘I know, I know…It’s just…’
‘It hurts. I get it.’
‘Yes. I’m sorry, Zoe. I hate to bring this to your door, but who else can I turn to?’
There was that guilt again, gnawing at Zoe’s soul. She realised she was going to have to get used to it because there was going to be a lot more where that came from.
‘Listen,’ she began, trying to brighten her tone. ‘Why don’t you come over this weekend? You’re right, you haven’t yet met Alex, and I’d like you to. We can have dinner together…’ She glanced at Alex, who nodded his agreement. ‘What do you think?’
‘Ihavebeen wanting to meet your new man, and you have kept on saying I could when you were sure of him.’
Zoe was sure of Alex. Very early on, she’d been sure of him – as certain as she’d ever been of anyone. Alex had never been the problem, but she wasn’t about to tell her mum that. ‘Great,’ she said. ‘Listen, sorry, I have company now. I know you want to talk, but can I phone you later? Or tomorrow even? I’m not trying to put you off, but?—’
‘Oh, of course, I didn’t realise you were with someone.’ There was a heavy pause. ‘It’s not your dad, is it?’
‘God no! I mean, no, I haven’t seen him for a good few weeks. He’s—Doesn’t matter.’
‘So it’s the same for you, is it? He has this new woman in his life, and soon he’ll have a new family, and already his old one is being forgotten.’
‘I’m sure it’s not like that. I suppose he’s busy. Truth is, I’ve been busy too.’
‘I’ve noticed.’
Zoe tried not to buckle under the weight of guilt that kept on getting heavier. She tried not to think about it from day today, but if she’d been pressed, she’d admit to neglecting both her parents since she’d come to Thimblebury, and it wasn’t only because moving here had made her life very full. She always walked away from every interaction with either of them feeling like the worst daughter in the world, and yet she couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t at all. But in their own way, both of them were so needy, and they often wanted more of her than she had the energy to give. And so the easiest way to simplify her life and to ease those gnawing feelings of inadequacy was to avoid both her parents whenever she could.
It seemed, she reflected with some irony as she tried to think of a suitable response to her mum’s observation, that her avoidance was about to backfire on her in a spectacular way because over the coming weeks and months they were probably going to be in her life a lot. Whether that would be a good or bad thing remained to be seen, but Zoe wasn’t all that hopeful.
‘So when suits you? I have to warn you, I’m on call, so if anything happens with one of my mums, I might have to leave you to your own devices. Actually…’ A thought occurred to her, a rather wonderful one, one that – though the notion made her even guiltier – would lessen the burden on her by sharing it with someone who knew her mum, even though they hadn’t seen one another for some years. ‘Georgia Capaldi lives in Thimblebury now!’
‘You said when I spoke to you last.’
‘Yes, so if you’re coming over, you’ll be able to see her new baby! We’ll go to visit, and if I did get called out, you’d be able to stay at her house for a few hours at least.’
‘So I won’t get to meet Alex?’
‘Oh, of course you’ll get to do that too. It was only an idea. I thought you’d like to see Georgia; after all, we were best friends when we were young, and she spent a lot of time at our house, didn’t she?’
‘I suppose it would be nice to see how things have turned out for her.’
‘And I’m sure she’d love to see you again!’
‘I’ll come on Saturday if it’s all the same to you. The trains aren’t so reliable on a Sunday.’
‘If you let me know what time, I’ll pick you up from the station.’
‘I will.’
‘Right, so I’ll let you go for now. See you on Saturday.’
Zoe ended the call and looked up to see Alex and Billie had dropped any pretence of not listening. ‘Sorry about that. It was my mum.’
‘No need to be sorry,’ Alex said. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Oh, you know, she’s a bit upset about Dad. Understandable, right?’
