Zoe nodded.
‘Wow! Is this…I mean, have they only just announced this because they didn’t know, or were they planning it and keeping the plans to themselves for some reason?’
‘Oh, no – no keeping anything to themselves. As far as I can tell, Chantal literally woke up one morning and said, “I want to get married and I fancy doing it on Valentine’s Day,” and Dad said, “Sure, why not?”’
‘Never underestimate the power of a woman,’ Brett said.
‘She is pregnant, I suppose,’ Zoe said. ‘I mean, it doesn’t matter so much to some if they’re married or not, but to some it does. And to Chantal…’ She shrugged.
‘So you’re going to have a half-brother or sister too?’ Brett took a seat with his own mug.
Zoe had been pleased to see his progress since William’s birth. When they’d first moved to Thimblebury he’d been troubled, struggling to come to terms with his downturn in fortune, drinking too much, shutting himself away. Now he was sober, far more open and accepting of his lot, more positive around doing something to change his circumstances for the better. And while it was good to see him engaging, in this moment, Zoe wished for the old, moody, reclusive Brett to come back because she wasn’t entirely comfortable talking about this with him in the room. He clearly wanted to be involved in the conversation, however, and she could hardly ask him to leave.
‘Looks like it.’
‘That must be weird as hell. I mean, at your age to have a baby brother or sister.’
‘Wow, Brett!’ Georgia’s tone dripped with sarcasm. ‘I bet that’s made Zoe feel so much better about it all.’
‘Sorry.’ Brett took a gulp of his tea and then winced as it burned his mouth.
‘It’s all right,’ Zoe said. ‘He’s not wrong. That’s part of the problem, if I’m being completely honest. Bad enough that all this will really upset Mum, but my dad and Chantal will be married with a baby, and I…’ She shook her head. ‘No. I’m being unfair.’
‘You can say it,’ Georgia said gently. ‘You’re among friends.’
‘It’s not like we’re going to tell your dad,’ Brett said.
‘I know, but words and deeds…’ Zoe sipped at her tea. ‘One can become the other. I’m scared if I say it that will make it real. I want to be happy for Dad and Chantal – and I will be, once I get my head around their news. It’s all come so suddenly and it’s a shock, and that’s why I’m struggling.’
She wasn’t going to say that her dad being on the brink of having all that she’d lost the previous year was at the root ofher resentment because it felt dangerously close to asking the universe for a dose of karma. Yes, he was about to be happily married with a baby – where she was meant to have been by now, had she not lost her own. Still, she had Alex now, and Billie, and while she still felt to some extent that rebuilding her life was a long work in progress, she didn’t want to tempt fate to take them away as punishment for being so mean-spirited about her dad. Didn’t he deserve happiness too? Whatever had happened between him and Mum, he didn’t deserve her spite. He only wanted to be loved, to be settled and content, just like everyone did. He’d fallen for Chantal, and whatever the circumstances around it, Zoe believed he did truly love her. She also, against the judgement of her darker moments, believed Chantal loved her dad.
‘Come on, Zo…’ As Brett put down his empty mug, Georgia motioned for him to take William from her. ‘I think he needs a nap. Could you put him down for me?’
‘But he just had…’ Brett’s confusion changed into a look of illumination. ‘Right, yeah. Of course…’
Zoe watched him as Georgia transferred their son to his arms. As soon as Brett had left the room with William, Georgia turned back to her. ‘So now Brett’s busy, take the opportunity to offload. No judgement. Safe space and all that.’
‘I know, and I appreciate it, but I think I’ve probably offloaded quite enough. More than I ought to have done. I ought to go home and process it all before I commit to a rant – I might find it becomes a rant I wish I hadn’t had.’
‘Well, you know where I am if you process it and still need to rant. Like I said, there’d be no judgement here, and I certainly wouldn’t share it with anyone.’
‘Thanks, George. I don’t know what I did all those years without you. Two months back in my life and already I can tell you anything, just like the old days.’
‘I feel the same. So while we’re on the subject of no judgement and dark secrets, can I tell you about my flatulence?’
Zoe blinked and then burst into laughter. There was defusing a situation, and then there was defusing a situation…and then there was Georgia.
Zoe had barely stepped outside before her phone began to ring. She pulled it out, looked at the caller ID, paused as if to answer it, and then, letting it ring off, dropped it back into her bag. Guilt, she decided, was going to be a regular feature of her life until her dad’s wedding was over. Probably even beyond that, to when Chantal gave birth. And it would creep back under her skin for every kiddie’s birthday party she attended, every anniversary she celebrated with them, every Christmas present she bought and every time she even spoke their names in front of her mum. This would be her life now, pussyfooting around her mum every time they met, and so, perhaps, she could be forgiven for wanting one last hour of blissful freedom before that whole ghastly treadmill began. And so she ignored her mum’s call. She’d get to it, of course, and she’d be glad to lend her support in any way she could, but just not now. Instead, she started the engine of her car and headed up to Kestrel Cottage as a cold drizzle slapped the windscreen, trying to decide on the best way to tackle it when the moment came.
Her mum phoned twice more as Zoe showered, and then again as she got changed and ready to head over to Hilltop Farm to see Alex. Each time, Zoe hesitated, staring at the screen, knowing she’d have to take the call eventually. She’d talk to Alex first. He’d know what to do.
As she headed out of the door, the hillside swallowed by shadow and a slice of moon intermittently revealed by racingclouds, her phone interrupted her thoughts yet again. But this time it wasn’t a call from her mum but a text from her dad.
Chantal has had a great idea! She’s been looking at St Cuthbert’s as a venue, so we might end up having a Lake District wedding!
Zoe was unable to hold in the groan of desperation. As if things weren’t bad enough! This couldn’t happen – Thimblebury was supposed to be her one place of sanctuary, where she could get peace, clarity and respite when she needed it, and now her dad wanted to have his wedding here! Her mind was chaos as she ran through scenarios that might put him off, but nothing seemed to fit the bill. She couldn’t even think of a reply that wouldn’t give away the horror she felt at his idea. What the hell was Chantal thinking? Should Zoe perhaps go to her instead, explain discreetly how much trouble having the wedding in Thimblebury would cause?
But when Zoe thought about it properly, she couldn’t honestly say it would cause trouble for anyone but her, and once again she was forced to recognise she was being the unreasonable one. The wedding would happen, and it would be lovely, and then her dad and Chantal would go off on their honeymoon and that would be that. What was Zoe worrying about? Her mum, she supposed, and more specifically how hellishly awkward it would be to have both her parents here at his wedding, but realistically, would her mum even come? Her dad would invite her because he was simply too obtuse to realise that he shouldn’t, but her mum would never sit in a church and watch him marry the girl she blamed for ending their marriage… would she?
