He bought all the clothes he needed there apart from shoes. They didn’t have his size in a dark pair. He didn’t want to turn up for Phelan’s funeral in white trainers. Newt managed to get a phone charger there too. Once he’d paid, he asked the shop assistant to cut the tags off everything and he went back to the changing room. He felt so much better in his own clothes, especially the navy peacoat, hat and gloves. He put the hearts into his pocket along with the wallet and dumped the prison gear in the bin outside the shop. He really didn’t need to keep it this time.
Newt walked back the way he’d come, crossed the bridge and headed up the hill into the town. He almost walked past a branch of his bank, but then thought he might as well pay in Phelan’s cheque and went inside. He was glad he had because he’d assumed he’d be able to pay it in via the app, but the cashier told him it was too large.
Then he carried on shopping. Along with dark shoes, he needed a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste and a hairbrush. And something to eat. Once he’d done shopping, he looked for a café and chose a seat near a wall socket so he could plug in his phone. After he’d put an order in for a Cornish pasty, bakedpotato and peas, he called River to give him the good news, only to remember as the phone went to voicemail, that Barney had stamped on it. Though wouldn’t Max have got him a new one? He left River a message sayingI’m okay. Are you? Call me.
Then he phoned Max. Max’s went straight to messaging too. He’d try again when he was in the hotel.
While he was waiting for his food, he went onto the banking app, wondering if the cheque had cleared yet—it hadn’t—but when he looked at his balance, his jaw dropped. Max had paid him fifty thousand pounds.What the hell?
Newt knew a payoff when he saw one, except the other person usually had to agree to it. Max wanted him gone from River’s life. Newt felt confident River wouldn’t want that but… Why wasn’t he answering his phone? He’d been well enough to make that statement to the police but had something happened since?
He looked uptransferring money backbecause he didn’t want the money from Max but he couldn’t do it online. He called customer services, made up a story about a mistaken transfer and asked the bank to return it. Newt had got the message, now Max would get his—in a couple of days at the most—according to the bank. Newt was annoyed he’d not be able to make the point immediately. But what annoyed him more was that Max was deliberately keeping him away from River. If Max wasn’t going to answer his phone, he’d leave him a message but he wanted to think about what to say.
It was Phelan’s funeral the next day and he bought a train ticket from Maidstone to the nearest station to Stenton crematorium. He’d have to change trains in London. Then his food arrived and he concentrated on that. He was feeling a little overcome.Just deal with one thing at a time.
On the way back to the hotel, he passed the Odeon cinema andMedway Boyswas one of the films showing. The next screening was in fifteen minutes. He couldn’t resist. Newt treated himself to a bag of Maltesers and sat towards the front of the auditorium, which was almost full. Once he had his phone on vibrate, because he didn’t want to miss a call from River, he settled down to watch the film.
By the time the credits rolled at the end, Newt was stunned. The story was heartbreaking, yet at the same time inspiring and uplifting. It was about two Kent boys in their late teens. One boy seemed to have everything: a father with a good job, a caring mother, a cute sister, a big house… The other had a brutal father, an alcoholic mother, and a young sister to protect. That was River’s role. Two boys, who shouldn’t have been friends, but were. Two boys and one horrible crime with devastating consequences.
It was the best film Newt had ever seen. River was astonishing. Newt walked back to the hotel blinking back tears. He was sort of glad he’d not watched it sitting next to River, but he couldn’t wait to tell him how brilliant it was. How brillianthewas.
The hotel room was fine. Warm and clean, and the bed was comfy. He plugged in his phone to finish charging and called his PO, only to find Mike already knew what had happened in court, but then he shouldn’t have been surprised. Once Newt’s name was in the system, the guy would have been notified.
Then he called River, but just like before it went straight to voicemail. Max’s phone too. Newt left a message for Max and kept his tone neutral. There could be all sorts of reasons why Max hadn’t been in touch.
“Hi, I know you can see I’ve called several times. I don’t understand why you’re not answering.”Fucking arsehole.“I’d like to talk to River, please. I’m guessing you’ve decided I’m not suitable to have anything to do with him, but you don’t know the whole story. Please ask him to phone me or at least message me that’s he’s all right. Thank you.”
Newt suddenly felt completely overwhelmed. He was exhausted, worried about River, sad about the funeral, upset over the payoff and it all piled on until he could barely breathe. He started to cry and he couldn’t stop.
When Newt woke the next morning, after crying himself to sleep, the first thing he checked was his phone. No messages.You fucking shit, Max!He googled River Lawson. Maybe the media would have something to say about the shooting. The first headline he saw was not the one he was expecting and he gasped.River Lawson is gay! Dila was quoted as sayingI had no idea.
It didn’t occur to Newt until he was on his way to the station, that Max and/or River might think he’d spoken out.Shit.Was that why Max hadn’t responded? Newt didn’t know what to do. Though, temporarily, there was nothing hecoulddo. After the funeral, if he still couldn’t get in touch with River, he’d go to his house. Even if what they had was over, and Newt didn’t accept that it was, all his clothes were there.
Newt’s phone finally rang while he was on the train. He snatched it from his pocket. Max not River, but…finally.
“Hi,” Newt said. “What—?”
“You really are a piece of work,” Max snapped. “You do this after I’d fucking given you all that money? You fucking, selfish little prick. Leave him alone. You think he’d wantanything to do with you now? His choice to come out, not yours. His terms for what he’d say, not yours. Fuck off out of his life.”
Max ended the call before Newt could even respond. He textedIt wasn’t me.If he hadn’t already sent that money back to Max, he suspected Max would have clawed it back. He’d claim Newt had broken the NDA.
Newt leaned his head against the window, his heart aching, and watched the world racing by. He was stupid for dreaming any of this would have worked out for him. Even if the court decided he’d been wrongfully imprisoned, it would all be too late. But he wanted to see River and tell him that he’d not said a thing about him being gay. It hurt that Max thought he was responsible.
The taxi dropped him outside Stenton Crematorium. He saw several guys he recognised entering through the large wooden doors. One of them was Jimmy Morgan, the guy who’d been with Phelan on the armed robbery. Jimmy’s wife was at his side. Newt followed the last person in, his heart hammering at the thought of seeing his family. When he was inside the chapel, he was pleased to see so many people there. Phelan might not have wanted a fuss but funerals weren’t for the dead, they were for the living. Although Newt hadn’t expected the casket to be open and for everyone to be filing past it.Oh God.
He put his hand in his pocket, wrapped his fingers around the sea glass hearts and pulled one out. As he reached the coffin, he let out a shaky breath. He bent to kiss Phelan’s forehead, whispered, “I love you. I forgive you,” and slipped the heart under his brother’s hand. He hoped the funeralpeople wouldn’t take it away. It would melt but it would still be with Phelan. As he turned to look for a seat, he could feel the gaze of his father burning into his back. Newt didn’t look round, he headed for the first empty seat he could see.
He’d never been to a funeral before. The guy who was speaking at the front had probably never even met Phelan, though he was talking about him as if he knew him. Newt had expected his father or his brother to say something but when things were drawing to a close and everyone had just been invited to the Rose and Crown for a drink, no one in his family had stood up, so Newt did.
“Did you wish to say something?” the officiant asked.
Oh God. I should have thought this through.“Yes.”
Newt walked to the front and turned. He deliberately didn’t look at his family. He fixed his gaze halfway down the room on a woman’s fiery red hair.
“I’m Newt, Phelan’s younger brother. If no one else in the family is going to talk about Phelan, then I’d like to say something.” He could feel his father and brother fidgeting, and guessed they were worried about what he’d say. Hopefully not worried enough to try and stop him.
“Phelan was seven when I was born. He was the best brother I could have wished for. We were all lucky to have Phelan in our lives. He always had a smile on his face. Nothing was ever too much trouble. I remember he once showed me how to help a little old lady across the road when she seemed to be dithering and when we got to the other side, she indignantly told us she hadn’t wanted to cross.”
