Harry took off his coat and dropped into the chair next to the bed. “You’ve just been shot. I’m not surprised you’re finding it hard to talk.”
River hadn’t known Harry was gay. Maybe he was bi.How many of us are hiding?Or maybe Barney was just a delusional fan.
River really wanted to sound perfect when he was talking to Harry.Try not to hesitate.Use the right words.He was speaking more slowly than usual but he could excuse that on being in hospital.
“How much do you know?”
“That Barney shot you. And now I’m not the only one thinking he probably fixed that hold on the rock so you were likely to fall. It’s all over X, social media in general. I called Max to see how you were. I...I needed to tell you something.”
“What?”
“I had a message from Barney a few days ago saying he was going to make everything right for me, that the first time hadn’t gone as he’d hoped but this time it would.”
Oh fuck.“And you didn’t think to…warn me?”
“I had no idea what he meant. Then when I heard you’d been shot, I put two and two together. I’d moaned to him about you and he ran with it. I’m sorry.”
How did River know that was true? What if Harry had engineered it all? Now Barney was dead, Harry could say what he liked.
“Barney wasn’t your…boyfriend?”
Harry shook his head. “No. He thought he was but he wasn’t.”
“He told me he loved you.”
Harry put his head in his hands and moaned.
“Are you gay?” River whispered.
“Bi.” He looked up. “But not openly. I had an…on-off thing with Barney. Just sex. I never let him think it was anything more. He was my stunt double onKarma. It started just after I found out you were the favourite forKaden’s Monster. I’d had too much to drink and I was…pissed off. I really wanted that role. I love the book so much.”
“Me too.”
Harry groaned. “I was mouthing off to Barney. He was saying what I wanted to hear, that I should have got it, that you weren’t right for the part… To make it worse, it wasn’t the first role I’d wanted that you landed. I went forMedway Boys.I know it’s the nature of the business. It was just me moaning to someone who a drunken me thought was a pal. I wasn’t ranting and raving, just whining. You must have lost out on roles that you wanted. We get over it, right? But Barney came across me at a low moment.”
Do I believe him?
“After we’d fucked, I regretted it. But I still let it happen again. A few times. He was flattering, persistent and convenient. And I know that sounds terrible. When the filming onKarmawas done, we parted ways. I had work out of the country and I was glad to get away from him. He was a mistake. But I hadn’t registered how big a mistake. He was constantly pestering me and I should have blocked him. I just sort of let him ramble on. I had no idea of the lengths he’d go to in order to impress me. As if I’d be impressed by him killingyou, for fuck’s sake!”
“Do you know how he…found out…where I lived?”
“My fault.” He groaned. “It’s all my fucking fault. I sent you a gift. We weren’t close friends but I was upset when I heard about the fall and nervous when I learned that Barney should have made that climb. I figured an investigation would uncover the truth and maybe help me to get Barney off my back.”
“My supposed accident…opened the door for you to…step in and take my place.”
“But I had nothing to do with it. I swear. I’d turn the role down rather than let you believe that.”
“The art m…materials you sent.”Damn that hesitation.“It was kind. Thank you.”
Max had told River that his chosen charity had benefitted from donations made by friends and colleagues who’d wanted to send flowers or fruit baskets but had been persuaded not to. Harry had put thought into his gift. Maybe he and Newt could take up painting. River wanted that life back where they did things together.
“Except…” Harry was wringing his hands. “Max texted me your address when I wanted to send the art stuff. He knew painting can be a form of therapy, told me it was a great thing to give you. I was careful. I didn’t even trust my PA to send the gift, I did it all myself. But yeah, there’d been a lot of booze/pity parties and Barney might’ve gotten into my phone. If that was how he found out your address, I’m so sorry.”
“Since he’s dead, I guess we’ll never know.”
Harry’s shoulders slumped. “I’m telling you the truth. I didn’t need to tell you any of this. I’m trusting you with knowing that I’m bi. I hope that will convince you. I wish youall the best, River. I hope you get better soon and I know you’ll be great inKaden’s Monster.”
He pushed to his feet.
