Shit!
“You know you can’t leave the country without permission. You said nothing to me about going abroad.”
“I hadn’t planned to.”
“Then why apply for a passport?”
“In case the chance came up.ThenI’d have asked for permission.”
He could see he wasn’t believed. Just thinking he’d have the chance to go one day was a thought that had condemned him. When he was formally arrested and charged, he wasn’t even shocked. Following a video link to the magistrates’ court, the case was transferred to the crown court for a committal hearing. In the meantime, because he was on licence, he was remanded in custody and would be transported to prison the next day to wait for the case to be heard. It might take days or weeks.
As his probation officer got up to leave, Newt asked, “Is he alive?”
Mike looked across to the policeman who was in the room with them. He shook his head.
Oh fuck.Newt felt as though the ground was falling away beneath him and he unravelled like beads falling from a necklace.
What was the point in anything? He’d failed to save River. He’d done his best and it wasn’t good enough.
Locked in a cell, Newt turned in on himself and his world grew dark. It seemed the cruellest thing after all those years locked up, to be given a taste of happiness, then have it snatched away again. In trying to do the right thing, he’d lost everything. If only he’d managed to save River, then it would have been worth it. Life meant nothing now. He didn’t want to start again. He couldn’t cope with another seven years inside.
Then, light had sparked like a bright firework in a night sky. Maybe they meant Barney wasn’t alive and River was fine. Except if Barney was dead, Newt would be held responsible. A black wave pulled him under and he half-wished it would drown him.
When they came in the morning, he asked about River but the men who took him from the station said they didn’t know. Overnight, he’d swung between hope and despair. Riverhadto be all right. He was in awe of River’s determination. He’d worked so hard to get his life back. Newt needed to make everything better for him, because River had done that for Newt. He’d made him see what life could be like, that finding the right person could make the world turn again.
River was his right person. He had to be alive.
Newt sat in the van, didn’t think about where he was being taken and instead, closed his eyes and thought about the little lock of dirty blond hair that always flopped over River’s face, how the delicate skin in the soft curve between River’s neck and his shoulder felt under his tongue, the way River’s face lit up when he laughed, how his skin jumped when Newtlicked him around his navel, the way he looked when he came, blissed out, happy, content…Mine.
I love him. I love him.I love him!
~~~
River came round to find himself in a hospital bed with Max sitting by his side. Where was Newt?
“You’re making a habit of this.” Max looked worried.
“What day…is it?” River licked his lips. His mouth felt as though he’d been eating sand.
Max lifted a beaker of water and put a straw to River’s mouth. “Small sips.”
The water wasn’t cold but it soothed his throat. River swallowed and leaned back again. “Day?”
“Saturday.”
“Newt?”
“He’s fine.”
Thank fuck for that.“Not injured?”
“No. Do you remember what happened?”
This time he did. “We came back to the house. B-Barney Colter was there. He had a fucking gun.” River shuddered. “He was going to sh…shoot me. Newt threw himself at Barney…then I had this…pain in my side. I… That’s all I remember.”
“You were shot and when you fell, you hit your head. You’ve drifted in and out of consciousness since then. Because of your previous head injury, they’re keeping you in hospital for a while. You’re lucky the bullet didn’t hit anything major.”
“Newt leapt at Barney…otherwise I might not be here.” River shifted in bed and winced at the ache in his side. “So where is Newt? Why isn’t he here? …Where’s Barney?”
