Despite everything, a slight smile tugged at Aspen’s lips. He had always loved it when Leif flexed his powers. He was majestic. Beautiful in his control of things unseen. He had always been out of Aspen’s league. That was another lie he hadn’t told. All Aspen wanted was Leif’s happiness. It was killing him.
“Let me carry it.”
A stuttered breath escaped Aspen at Leif’s words. Leif was the strong one. Always had been. Aspen was the mess who couldn’t handle a single shout.
Leif snuggled closer and kissed Aspen’s forehead. “Your old pack was loud. Angry. Always wanting to hunt and kill. You’ve always been too good for them. I guess that’s why I didn’t realize how huge your sacrifice was by choosing me. There was never a single day that I wanted anything other than a soft life with you. Sometimes that meant being abrasive to everyone else to protect you. But if I stole a life from you, I’m sorry for that. I didn’t know choosing me cost so much.”
No matter how upset and hurt he was, Aspen only regretted a single moment he spent with Leif. The moment he set Leif free.
Leif rubbed his back, soothing him. “Let it go. It’s not like I’ve forgotten the constant fear of waking up one day to find you in love with some dumb bear who couldn’t love you half as much as I do. But every single day, you were worth it, and each day without you has been like being murdered over and over again. The pain taught me something, though. There was another choice. I could’ve accepted the miracle and blessing of you each second we had together. Then if the day came where a true mate came calling, I could choose the fire and know I lived the best life any man could ask for. It was on my terms.”
“Your passing would kill me. That’s not a plan, prickly pear. We spent decades with the what-ifs. They were the best decades of my life. I could never watch you die.”
He felt Leif smile against his forehead. “Maybe it isn’t a good plan, but you forgot about your panic attack, didn’t you?”
Aspen pinched Leif’s side.
Leif chuckled, completely unbothered.
Aspen’s shoulders relaxed. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
“Nothing.” The lights went out, plunging them into darkness. Even though they could still see as clearly as they could in the daylight, the darkened room brought its own calming effect. Leifburied his hand beneath Aspen’s shirt and settled in the way he always had when they slept. “Close your eyes. Let everything go. Every issue will still be there in the morning, but they might not look as heavy once you’ve had some rest. Okay?”
Aspen nodded. He was in Leif’s arms. That was where his happiness had always lived. He would savor what he could get.
Leif stared into the darkness. His mind stewed. Celeste had given him two weeks to win Aspen or lose him forever. Yet Lysander was on the front porch, ripping Stone to shreds, and literally nothing made sense any longer. Lysander had sounded ugly jealous and what the fuck? Did Celeste really intend to pair Aspen with someone obviously involved with someone else? Plus, just ugh. How dare Stone and Lysander bring their bullshit to sweet Aspen’s door? His heart was too tender. His life hadbeen too hard even before Leif came kicking his way through it. Leif had been understating every fact when he talked about the pack that had turned its back on Aspen. They were a rowdy bunch of biker bears who lived violent lives. Aspen had been raised in that mess. He meant “raised” in the barest minimum of the word, since they had been abusive as fuck. Nothing pleasant had happened to Aspen before Leif came along. The bear pack had done their best to beat the kindness out of the softest bear alive. All they accomplished was creating a big, overly strong cuddle bug with epic anxiety issues. Aspen had lost nothing when he lost those pieces of shit. But love was complicated, and sometimes good sense had absolutely nothing to do with it. It seemed Aspen had one of those “well, they’re my parents” mentality on the matter. He had done a damn good job of hiding that from Leif for decades. Now Aspen was too much of a mess to hide anything. Leif saw every thought and memory. Felt every hurt Aspen hid. Maybe he wasn’t what was best for Aspen. It was possible Aspen should just lose himself in the Wulfe pack. Except Celeste intended to pair Aspen with Lysander if Leif didn’t act. Every thought he had led back to one: what the fuck?
His bear was a snorer. The sound made Leif smile. Even though there had been times when Leif had wanted to smother him with his pillow over the years, he missed even that now. A true life was a mixture of small irritations with tons of love. At least, the best lives were like that, and they had shared the greatest life. Maybe it was gone now. There was a real possibility there was nothing ahead for them but more heartbreak. Leif hadn’t truly survived losing Aspen the first time. He couldn’t do that twice in his life, but neither could he give up. Leif just couldn’t. Cosmic pairing or not, Aspen had always been the one for him. No amount of heavenly intervention could change that.
Aspen startled so hard in his sleep, he nearly knocked out Leif’s fangs. He gasped for air and then focused on Leif with a desperation in his eyes that would have brought Leif to his knees if he had been standing.
You didn’t leave.
Leif swallowed all the tears as Aspen’s thoughts brushed his brain.Try to make me.
For a moment, they simply held each other’s gaze. Leif had no clue who moved first, but their mouths hit like they had been starved for each other for years, because they had. His eyes stung as the memories came pouring back. A needy whine slipped out as he recalled all the nights of Aspen’s huge cock nearly tearing him in two. He always gave Leif exactly what he begged for, and fuck. Leif wanted it.
Leif had never been more serious about allowing nothing to come between them. The moment he found himself beneath Aspen, Leif threw up his hands and took control of the magic most of the universe never saw. The same magic protecting Frost became the blockade hiding them. No one could ruin them but themselves.
Aspen chuckled against his lips. “What are you doing?”
Leif wasn’t one to lie. “Keeping the world out. I’ve missed you too much to risk the universe turning against us.”
“Good thinking.” He tore at Lief’s clothes.
Leif couldn’t stop smiling. He had forgotten how amazing it felt to have Aspen support his decisions. They had always been a team. Leif needed that now. Aspen didn’t let him down. The sound of clothes ripping cut through the air.
“Sorry,” Aspen mumbled between kisses.
“Fuck that.” With a single thought, their clothes disappeared. “Don’t hold back.” The sensation of their nude bodies touching was such a powerful reminder of their love that Leif could barely breathe. His fangs were past the point of retraction. Leif’s body screamed for more. “Please?” Yeah, he begged. Leif didn’t fucking care if he looked pathetic. Life had stripped something from him when it took away Aspen. Now he was here, and Leif thought he might die if Aspen didn’t make love to him.
Aspen slowed down. He deepened their kiss. “I need your help,” Aspen whispered against his lips.
It took a quick glimpse into Aspen’s mind to see Aspen didn’t own lube any longer. That realization was a punch to the throat, reminding him what true loyalty looked like. What true love looked like.
Leif snapped his fingers, and lube appeared. “I’ll always have everything you need.”
Aspen stared into his eyes and made no move to continue. Leif wondered if he had ruined the moment somehow. He could practically see the realization growing inside Aspen that thisone night meant more than a night of making love. They were reclaiming something maybe best left in the past.
