“My brilliant wife,” he said, relaxing once again. “I should have known you’d find a safe way to record our confidences.”
Jane dipped the pen again and prepared to continue her notes.
“As I was saying,” said Sebastian, “these leaves represent the petals of your flower.”
Jane tentatively raised her hand. “The furred petals of my flower? Those bay leaves have no fur, but I suppose we could hunt for some leaves with mold to stand in for the—”
“Ah, yes, there are also those petals. Here I was thinking of inner petals, but as a beautiful flower you have so many,” he said, casting about for the bottle of bay leaves again and extracting two more. “Now we have the exterior, which is covered on the outside by your downy brown hair, and these two on the inside that guard your most precious treasures.”
Scribbling hurriedly, Jane took down the lesson.
“At the top of the interior petals lies a pearl that likes to be stimulated,” he said. “Where are the peppercorns located?”
Jane consulted her inventory and quickly located a bottle. Sebastian extracted one and returned the container to the shelf.
Using a worktable, he arranged the dried spices to show Jane her anatomy. “And thus it fits together as a beautiful blooming flower, except in my responsive bride, nothing is dried like this. It’s pumping with blood and so very wet.”
Jane looked up from her notes and tentatively ran a finger along the edge of one of the bay leaves. “And where do you fit, my lord?” she asked.
“Down here, in a channel that grips me until I think I might die of pleasure,” he said while tapping the table, finding himself swept away by the lesson. “But I want to focus on you today, your pleasure.”
“Receiving your body into mine gave me great pleasure, Sebastian,” she said, shifting on her feet. “In fact, I find my flower blooming just thinking about it.”
“If I lifted your skirts, would I find you dewy and fragrant, your sweet petals pouting for the attentions of my cock?” he asked.
Jane gripped the edge of the worktable and nodded yes.
“If I were to dive beneath your shift and petticoats, would I find you receptive to my touch?”
“Most receptive,” she whispered.
He leaned over his anatomy diagram made of aromatic spices. “If I were to, say, lick your flower, would you bloom for me?”
Sebastian opened his mouth and ran his tongue up the bay leaves and then dug the tip of his tongue into the peppercorn. It was a most instructive, diverting sight. Until he coughed. And coughed again. And found that he couldn’t stop coughing.
“Oh dear, the peppercorn must have irritated your throat,” said Jane, casting about for something he could drink. “You haven’t consumed a bay leaf, have you? Please tell me you haven’t!”
Her groom doubled over, holding the worktable for support as he coughed endlessly.
Jane supplied a small bottle. “Thank goodness I just recorded this cough tonic. The label says to consume just a spoonful,” she said.
Sebastian took a swig directly from the bottle and smothered a final hacking cough.
“Oh, my poor darling,” said Jane, pulling the handkerchief from his pocket to wipe moisture from his eyes and setting his hair to rights. “Did you swallow the pepper?”
He opened his mouth to show the peppercorn. Jane used the handkerchief to remove the offending spice from his tongue.
“How did you know where I keep my handkerchief?” he asked, humbled and drooping on the worktable.
“There were only two options, and I thought that the consequences of being wrong wouldn’t be so terrible to bear,” she said. “And I watched you offer yours to Mrs. Randall at the Waterloo celebration picnic last year and admired your savoir faire so much that I suppose I memorized the side you favor.”
“I wish I were always that man coming to the aid of elder ladies within view of my beloved,” he said, “rather than the bumbling fool attempting to seduce his wife.”
“Oh, is that what you’re doing in this storeroom?” she asked, gathering her hems until they hovered just above her ankles.
“Was doing,” he said glumly. “I’m afraid you’ve married something of a buffoon, Jane. A buffoon who uses euphemisms when he should engage in straight talk.”
She continued to draw her skirts higher. “Well, it’s fortunate that I like everything about you,” she said, “and I just so happen to be in the mood to be seduced.”
