That means we need to talk about putting those rules I made for our fake relationship back in place, which is probably going to be awkward as hell. I’m going to come off like a total weirdo, especially since he’s definitely not developing feelings or overthinking things like I am.
I let out a heavy sigh and work up the nerve to text him back. I wish I could be one of those cool, confident, unbothered girls who can hook up with guys without reading too much into things. But I’m not like that. Kissing means something to me. Fooling around means something to me. Sex means something to me.
“Which is why you came up with those rules in the first place,” I say to myself.
I text Nick before I lose my nerve.
Hey, sorry to leave you on read like that. School’s been busy.
I hate lying to him, but a small lie seems better than confessing that I’m catching feelings for him and overthinking things between us like some freak.
Thank you for checking on me. I’m good with what happened between us the other day. You don’t need to apologize.
I’m working out how to word the rest of my message when he texts back. Oh wow. I didn’t think he’d be that quick.
Nick: I’m relieved to hear that :)
Me: I just don’t think we should let things get to that point again.
Nick: What do you mean?
Me: I mean that we should go back to the rules we initially came up with. No kissing on the mouth or anything intimate. Let’s just go back to hand-holding, hugs, kisses on the cheek. Nothing more. Is that okay with you?
I watch as three gray dots appear on my phone screen, then disappear, then appear, then disappear again.
A knot forms in my stomach, wondering what he’s feeling right now. Is he mad? Annoyed? Upset?
Nick: What made you change your mind about this? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?
Me: You didn’t. I just don’t want to complicate things between us.
Nick: Okay.
I don’t know why I feel so disappointed as I stare at his reply on the screen.
Nick: You’re still coming over to tutor me tomorrow, right?
Me: Yeah, I’ll be there.
Nick: Cool. See you tomorrow.
I fall back against my couch, still feeling anxious about all of this. Nick agreed to what I want. I should be relieved. But I’m just left feeling a weird longing in my chest.
I zip my coat up as I walk up the porch of Nick’s house. The temperature dropped to single digits today. A light snow falls around me. It’s still autumn, but since this is Denver, an early snowfall is never a surprise.
My nerves kick up as I knock on the door and wait for him to answer.
We haven’t texted each other since our exchange yesterday, when I told him that I wanted to stop fooling around and go back to our fake dating rules. I’m sure things between us are going to be awkward today because of it.
Part of me wonders if we should talk about it person just to get closure…but the anxious part of me hopes that we both ignore it and move on.
The door opens, and he offers a shy smile. “Hey, hot tutor.”
A small wave of relief hits when he calls me that familiar nickname.
“Hey,” I say softly.
He steps aside to let me in.
