“Hey,” Jeff nudged our brother. “How, uh…how big is yours?”
“What? Like you want me to whip it out and measure?”
“No, but…” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Is it that big?”
“Nothing is that big,” Liam retorted.
I sighed, wishing they would both leave me to my misery. “It’s really not that?—”
“I mean, we could measure,” Jeff suggested.
“Seriously? You want to go up against the Hulk and find out just how small your dick is?”
“Pure curiosity,” Jeff said. “I mean, think about it. Is this genetic? Is Pop really this huge guy? And if he is, why didn’t we inherit this massive…” He gestured toward my still hard cock. “Thing.”
“It’s not a thing!” I snapped. “And it’s not that big!”
“The massive flagpole sticking up from where a normal-sized dick would be says otherwise,” Liam retorted.
“How did we not know about this?” Jeff questioned.
“Well, shoot. You know, as a kid, I never thought to ask my brother what size his dick was,” Liam jeered.
“Really? Cuz I’m pretty sure the size of it was always on my mind.”
“Yeah, the size of my own. Not my brothers.”
“Do you think Ma knows?” Jeff mused.
“Why would she know?”
“Well, if he’s this big, was he always this big? I mean, did he come out with the world’s most gigantic penis? Is it in a record book somewhere?”
“Yeah, I’m sure the first thing Ma did after pushing him out was call Guinness World Records.”
“Maybe she did. Maybe she secretly liked having a freak for a kid.”
“I’m not a freak!” I snapped, wincing as the shard dug deeper into my back.
Liam barely glanced at me. “We weren’t talking to you, Gigantor.”
“Blake!” I shouted, hoping she would come rescue me.
But she didn’t come. Of course, she didn’t. She was still pissed at me for opening my mouth.
“I’m just saying, maybe we should document this!” Jeff argued. “In fifty years, nobody will believe that he was actually this big. It’ll be like a tall tale that no one believes.”
“And you really think our descendants are going to sit around a campfire talking about the size of their ancestors’ penises?” Liam asked.
“It could happen! I’m telling you, this is something people will be talking about for years to come!”
“Can you guys stop talking about the size of my dick and get me help before I bleed out all over the grass?” I shouted, finally stopping the onslaught of inappropriate commentary.
“Fine,” Liam grunted. “I’ll get the sheet. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Couldn’t if I wanted to,” I muttered.
Meanwhile, Jeff was still watching me.
