"I think…" I can barely get the words out. "I think he might have been cheating on me with my best friend."
"He probably was. I told you—people are terrible. You should stop caring. You can't beat us, so you might as well join us." He surprises me when he lies down on top of me, resting his head on my chest.
"I should probably go…my mom—"
"I fucking love your thighs. Will you wrap them aroundme?"
"Um…no?"
"I ruined my life," he says. "It wasn't my fault, but I did, and I'm so fucking sad, Saige. I'd never admit it to anyone else, but…who are you going to tell?"
"I won't tell anyone," I say softly.
"My dad is a piece of shit. He couldn't handle my mom's depression—it was bad for his ego, I guess—so he decided to be a fucking cliché and start sleeping with his secretary. When he told her there was someone else, she killed herself. I found her in the garage. She fed a hose from the exhaust into the car, you know? And, um, she didn't leave me a note." There's an inflection on the word 'note,' as if it were a question; like he's confused, and then he pauses, and I can tell he's trying not to cry. "I don't blame her, but it would have been nice to get a note. I guess she was just too sad at that point."
"I'm so sorry, Elias. None of that is your fault." Without thinking about it, I wrap my arms around him, placing one hand on his back, and with the other, I run my fingertips through his hair. "How old were you?"
"It was earlier this year," he says. "And then, I started drinking too much. A couple of months ago, I drank so much that I don't even remember getting in the car, but I did. And when I woke up,thishad happened." He raises the arm in the soft cast. "I had a full scholarship to play hockey at a school in Maine; I was supposed to getthe fuckout of this place. I was going to help her. Now she's gone, and I'll never play again."
"You don't know that," I tell him. "It'll get better."
I'm not even sure why I'm doing it—comforting him, I mean. I don't know him. I don't even think I can trust him, but I also can't seem to make myself leave him here.
"Idoknow that. My shoulder is mostly screws now; my arm was crushed. No amount of physical therapy will ever make it better. And I don't need a doctor to tell me that, because I canfeelit, but they have. And that's not even the worst part…"
"What's the worst part?" I ask.
"That night, he told me the fucking bitch—his mistress—and her daughter are moving in with us. That's why I did it. They're at the house right now, I guess."
My eyes go wide. All the air leaves my lungs as I begin connecting the dots.
My mom works as a secretary. She married her boss, and we're moving in with him and his son.I'msupposed to be there right now.
But she never mentioned he was married. He didn't wear a ring. Could it be a coincidence? Would my mom do that to someone?
Is the person I'm cradling against my chest mystepbrother?I never asked for any details about him; I was too angry about moving. For some reason, when she said stepbrother, I pictured an eight-year-old little boy playing Legos or shooting me with Nerf darts. I didnotpicture a full-grown man trying to fuck me.
I'm about to say something. I should say something, or at the very least, I need to get the fuck out of here, just in case I'm right, before it gets worse.
"Elias…I—"
"Why'd you stop?" he asks.
"Stop what?"
"Your fingers in my hair…it felt good."
"Oh…I don't know. Sorry." I resume combing my fingers through his hair, trying to steady my breathing and slow my heart rate, hoping he doesn't sense how nervous I am the way he did before. "I'm sorry, Elias…that you're going through that. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will be."
"It's okay," he says. "I'm going to make sure they get what they fucking deserve. I'm going to make their lives hell. My mom was prettier than her, you know. It doesn't make sense. And she was smarter, too. She was a doctor…before she got sick."
It's difficult to listen to. My mom is a good person; she's my friend. Sheissmart, and I look just like her—everyone says so.
I don't think she could do this.
My eyes well with tears again as Arcadia curls up beside us on the blanket.
"Do you think people get what they deserve?" he asks.
