“The Grand None Of Your Business.”
I hear Jake pound his fist on the dash again. “Do you know what the blokes on that farm are saying about you?”
“That I’m a big woggy whore, sticking my Autistic nose where it’s not wanted? Because I already know that and I don’t give a fuck.”
“I swear to God, Renaldo?—”
“Why doyoucare so muchabout the farm? You got skin in the game, too? Is that why you’re calling me? You wanna read me the party line like all your mates?”
“No. Stop lashing out and listen to me. I want to keep you safe.”
“You’re about fifteen years too late, jerkoff.”
“You think this is about fifteen years ago?”
“Yeah I do and it’s too little too late, so thanks for roping Davis into your bullshit crusade, but you can just?—”
“I wasn’t going to the fucking reunion. I came down with Davis because I’m terrified for you. We all are. Do you have any idea what these blokes might do to you?”
“No. And I’m not gonna scare myself into backing off.” My voice is ragged, tears threatening, but that just makes me madder. “I’m done getting shit-kicked, Jake. I’m not going to be reasonable and I’m not going to be the bigger person. People are always telling victims to be the bigger person when what they really want is for them to shut up. I’m done. I want blood, and I don’t give a fuck if I get hurt taking it.”
“You sound like an IRA bomber,” he says, his voice as raspy as mine. “You’re only gonna end up hurting yourself.”
“No, I’ll hurt them too. I’ll make sure of that.”
“And everything you could lose if you do? Do you care about that at all?”
Something about the way he says it slips between my ribs and the tears start to fall. “No.”
“Baby…” His voice softens, and I feel it like a thumb pressed to a bruise.
“I don’t care about anything,” I whisper. “I don’t hope for anything. I don’t feel anything. It’s all behind me. I can barely remember what it was like to think things could get better. But Rhys is gone, and Jenny always wins, and Cece chose Will, and I’m the last man standing. I have to make things right.”
“You’re not,” Jake says. “You’ve got Aggie. You’ve got Cece, you’ve got Davis, and even if it’s complicated, you’ve got me. And I’m not going anywhere, whether you like it or not.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “It still doesn’t matter.”
“I believe you,” he says quietly. “About all of it. You’re right.There’s serious shit happening at that farm, but you can’t go at it alone. You need help. And I can help. Me and Davis.”
For a second, I let myself lean into the comfort of his words. It’s like a shower after a long day, the warm water soaking into my bones.
“Ada?” Jake’s voice seems to come from a long way away. All I want to do is put my head on his chest and cry. I’m so tired.
“I’m here,” I say. “What?”
“You heard me right? About how I believe you? I mean it. I’m really proud of you for going after this.”
Proud of me.The words I wanted to hear for so long. Not from someone who wanted my body. Not from someone who liked my music. Someone who loved me. Saw me. Cared for me. Protected me. I reach for the wine on the bathroom cabinet and drink from the neck.
“Ada, are you there?”
I nod, then realise he can’t see me. “Yes.”
“You’re not alone,” Jake rasps. “And I know I’m not perfect, but I meant it when I said I loved you. I still love you and I want to help. Let me help.”
“You don’t even know me,” I say finishing the last of the wine.
“Yeah, I fucking do, Renaldo.”
