They stare at me, startled.
Des clears his throat. “If you’re sitting on something, love, I think it’ll be best to just come out with it.”
I glare at him for the pet-name, but it’s undercut by the tears prickling the backs of my eyes. “She’s in trouble,” I say, scrubbing my face with my knuckles. “Ada. She’s been looking into that Thrasher bloke’s farm. She’s gonna go poking around on her own while she’sdown there.”
Jake and Davis exchange glances.
“Ada’s actually been looking into Thompson Farms? Like a journalist?” Jake asks.
I feel like screaming. “Yes, and from what I read in her notebook, she’s knee-deep in trouble, so anything you know about what goes on at that place would be very fucking helpful,Golden Boots.”
“I dunno.” Jake gets a faraway look in his eyes. “Everyone who works there is… weird about it.”
“How?”
“I dunno. They just don’t talk about it much. Nan says you’d think they were burying bodies out there.”
My stomach knots so hard I almost double over. “You need to find Ada. Now. Tonight.”
“Can’t,” Jake and Davis say at the same time.
“Then you’re a couple of cowards,” I screech, hating how my voice cracks on the last word. Too high. Too womanly.
“Aggie,” Des warns.
“Stay out of it, Desmond!” I jab a finger right at Golden Boots. “Don’t you have some charity shit to do at this reunion? Isn’t that why you met up for coffee with that troll and dragged all our lives into the fucking mud?”
“Yeah,” Jake spits back. “But it’s too late. It starts today, and by the time we get down there, I’ve already missed half the shit I said I’d be at?—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck! Ada needs you!”
“No, she fucking doesn’t!” Jake slams his hands on the bar top so hard the bottles rattle. “She doesn’t need anyone! She was like that at school, and she’s like that now. I’m not going back home just to make a cock of myself trying to prove any different!”
The silence that follows could knock a man out. Davis’s jaw is working on nothing, and Des looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. But I’m too angry to care. I give Jake the filthiest look I can muster.
“So, it was all bullshit, was it? You having a change of heart about your old mates and wanting to stick your neck out for Ada?”
I see a flash of the same fury I’ve seen bursting through the telly whenever the All Blacks are losing. “No.”
“Yes. Because here you are, sitting on your ass, telling me you’d let her get hurt again just so you don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Because you’re scared she won’t like you for it. Scared she’ll tell you to piss off. And you’d rather abandon her again than risk her hating you for trying.”
Jake’s face crumples.
“Aggie,” Des urges. “Maybe?—”
“You’ve got a reason to show up,” I cut in. “Go to the reunion. Give your silly presentation. Take Davis. Make sure nothing happens to Ada and Cece, because if something does and you’re not there?—”
My throat closes, and I turn my back on all of them, pressing my hands to my face. My palms are rough from years of bleach and hot water. There was supposed to be time to get them soft again, just like there was supposed to be time to turn this bar around.
“Bloody men,” I choke. “Why can’t you ever be where we need you when it fuckin’ counts? Just once?”
Strong arms wrap around me, smelling of soap and peanut butter. Des. I want action, not a bloody hug, but I sag against him all the same. Press my face into his jumper like some lovesick girl. He holds me tighter, rubs firm circles down my aching back. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” I sob. “The girls are down there alone, and I can’t make these idiots understand?—”
“Fuck,” Jake says, staring at his phone like it bit him.
I twist in Des’ arms. “What?”
