I pick up my sparkling wine and down it.
“Ada?” Jake urges. “What did you tell him?”
I press a hand to my mouth to suppress another gag. “It doesn’t matter. Jenny said the dog shit milkshake wasn’t her. I said it was, but I’d still beaten the fuck out of her in front of half the school. Friezen split the difference. I didn’t get suspended, and Jenny didn’t get in trouble.”
Jake’s eyes are so full of pity, I have to turn away.
“At least Jenny left me alone after that. She stopped talking about me. Wouldn’t even look at me. The next week, Juilliard sent me an acceptance offer, and it was all over as far as I was concerned.”
“What about your parents?” Jake asks in the tone he uses when he knows I’m lying. “Did they?—”
“I didn’t tell them what happened. There was no point.”
“What about Cece?”
I fix him with a glare. “She doesn’t know, and it’s staying that way.”
“But what if Jenny tells?—”
I let out a humourless laugh. “No chance. She flew way too close to the sun with that dog-shit caper. You think she wants people knowing what a psychotic bitch she really is?”
Jake’s jaw tightens.
“Still. I have to live with what she did. She made me eat dog shit. She wrecked my sleep, my body, my head. And now I have to sit across from people who want to act like what happened between us was all ‘kid stuff.’”
Jake’s mouth twists. “You think that’s what I’m saying?”
“You did say that.”
“I didn’t know?—”
“And now you do. So what’s gonna happen, Jake? I can answer that for you: nothing. You’re just gonna feel bad for ten minutes, then go back to thinking about rugby.”
“No. It’s just… Fucked. All of it. I feel fucking sick.”
“Who cares? I’m just pointed out that Jenny was never just some high school bitch. She’s a sociopath, and you slept with her. And then you met with her for coffee and lied to me. And now, I can’t look at you without seeingher.”
Jake’s head drops. A marionette whose strings have been cut.
The waitress approaches, reaching for my empty prosecco glass. “Would either of you like anything else?”
“Two scotches,” Jake tells the table. “Neat. Doubles. Please?”
The waitress scurries off, leaving us to sit in the thick, buzzing quiet. I don’t have anything left to say. I’m all hollowed out. The scotches arrive, starkly out of place among the iced lattes and Eggs Benedict. Jake and I swig in silence. Our drinks are almost empty when he speaks again. “Ada?”
“Yeah?” I say, through lips like concrete.
“Can you look at me? Please?”
The pain in his voice compels me to raise my eyes. I wish I hadn’t. Even pale, sweating andmiserable, he’s still so fucking beautiful.
“What?”
“I know you want to finish things with me, and I know you don’t owe me another chance. But if you let me, I wanna tell you something good. About how I felt about you at school. It might not help, but I wanna… I want you to know how it was for me. Give you something nice from that time to think about, maybe.”
I feel nothing. I’m so tired. “I’m not going to be your girlfriend again, Jake. No matter what you tell me.”
“That’s okay, but if it really is over…?”
