Sal’s bugged-out green eyes went from Evan to Cheryl and back again. Their gaze narrowed, and they hoisted their sword. “M’lady Cheryl, is this lily-livered cheeseball making you uncomfortable?”
Cheryl looked at Evan’s fake-ass smile. “You know what? He is.”
“En-guard!” Sal shouted, lunging forward and poking Evan in the chest with the tip of the plastic sword. “Get out of here, bilge-swiller! Go back to the inky depths from whence you came!”
“What the hell?” Evan sputtered as Cheryl burst out laughing.
Sal withdrew, swishing the sword like a musketeer. “Avail yourself of this location, you scurvy dog!”
“I think that means you should leave,” Cheryl added.
Evan scowled. “But I’m still smoking?—”
Sal smacked the cigarette out of his hand. “And now you’re not, m’hearty.”
Evan looked at Cheryl as though expecting her to defend him. “Get going. And stop trying to fuck brides.”
Scowling, he headed for the door. “Fucking drunk bitches. You’re all the same.”
“Avast, no one cares what you think!” Sal shouted, jabbing Evan in the back. “Be on your way, and be quick about it!”
The door slammed, and Sal lowered the sword, stomping on Evan’s still-burning cigarette.
“That…” Cheryl said, pulling her cigarettes out again, “… was amazing.”
“Cheers.” Sal slid their sword into one of the bodysuit straps. “Always good to save a damsel in distress.”
“Want a smoke?” Cheryl asked, holding out the pack.
“Hell fucking yeah!”
As Sal gleefully parked beside her, Cheryl realised she didn’t know them that well. Only that they were a drag performer and got along with Eden like a house on fire. From what she’d seen tonight, Sal was an all-time party person, as extroverted as their older brother was withdrawn.
“How are you finding the party?” she asked.
Sal exhaled smoke. “Banging. Great night. Only I’ve been doing your mate Shelly in the bathroom, and now she’s all,‘I have a boyfriend, and I think I just cheated on him.’”
Cheryl groaned. “Shit. That sucks.”
“You’re telling me. No one wants to be an inadvertent home wreaker. Like, what am I even supposed to say to her?‘Yes, yes, you did cheat on your boyfriend, you rogue betch, get your shit together’?”
“That’s on Shelly. She’s the one in a relationship.”
“Yeah,” Sal said gloomily. “I just wish I could meet someone cool. I’ve been on the apps all month, and it’s a nightmare.”
“Chats that go nowhere?”
“That and the only guy I halfway liked picked me up in a car that had a bumper sticker that said,‘Get ya snatch out.’”
“Fuck off!”
“Yeah. I don’t think he’s The One.”
“Probably not. Well, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I was single forever until a couple of years ago.”
“Yeah, Eden was saying. I can’t see that, though. You and Patty seem like you’ve been together for ages.”
“That would be our weird friend history.”
