Cheryl felt the tell-tale warm spirals running up her arms and across her back. She glanced across at Patrick and saw he was grinning from ear to ear. “Hi, gorgeous.”
“Hi,” she said, smiling back. “Do you feel anything?”
“Yeah. I feel incredible.”
“Is it like you remember?”
He beamed. “Night and day. Eden’s gig was fucking overwhelming. This is just… nice.”
She smiled. His pupils had expanded, making him look even more like a pretty boy cartoon character than usual. She snuggled against his shoulder, enjoying the sweet, edgy sense of rising elation. They listened to the music for a long time, one song bleeding into the next.
“I’m so myself,” Patrick whispered. “Exactly myself. I’m all here. It’s not like being drunk at all.”
“No.” Cheryl lifted a hand to the light. Everything was shining.
Patrick turned to face her, his anime eyes locking on hers. “Cheryl… why don’t you wanna be with me?”
Oh God. She waited for the sting of panic, but it didn’t come. All of a sudden it seemed easy to just… tell him. “Because it’ll go bad.”
“How?”
“You’ll stop loving me.”
“How could I ever stop loving you?”
She sparkled her fingers, watching the light flick between them. “Not now. When I’m forty-five and you’re thirty-six. Or when I’m fifty-eight and you’re forty-nine. Whenever it hits you that I’m old and you can do better.”
Patrick shook his head. “You really don’t trust me, do you?”
“No.” It came out the way it felt. Like a solid brick. A fact.
“Why?”
“Because people are only nice while they’re getting what they want.”
“Jesus, KitKat…”
She looked at him, surprised by the ease with which she could let these poisoned knives slip. “Do you want me to stop talking?”
“I want you to talk more. So, you don’t think I’ll be faithful?”
She swallowed, her mouth suddenly parched. “I think you’ll want to be faithful, but I think your dick will want something else. One day you’ll be drunk or playing interstate and someone younger and hotter will catch your eye and it’ll be over.”
Patrick flinched. “Fuck me. Who hurt you?”
“A few people.”
“But you know that’s not what I’m gonna do, right?”
She touched his cheek. “I adore you. I hope you won’t hurt me. But I’ve… I’ve hoped about people before. And I’ve always been wrong.”
“Who hurt you?” he said again. “Seriously, please tell me?”
She wanted to, but even with the MDMA twirling through her brain, she found she couldn’t. “I… I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
Patrick let out a shaky breath. “I’ve known you so long and there’s still so much I don’t understand about you, KitKat.”
“That’s not exactly a coincidence.”
