“Oh, no you don’t,” Beth said, tightening her grip on his arm. “There. You need to go talk to her.”
The woman in question was a short brunette chatting to Willow’s wife, Eden. She had a fancy corporate look. She was also at least forty.
“Ah, why her?”
“Are you not attracted to her?”
The woman was pretty. She reminded him a little of Eva Longoria. “I mean, yeah. But I told you, trying to make Cheryl jealous doesn’t work.”
“Didn’t work. Answer me something: when you were fucking around, it was with twenty-year-old footy groupies, right?”
“I…”
“Exactly. Cheryl knew she had nothing to worry about because those girls weren’t a threat to her or your relationship. But seeing you with this bitch?” Beth chuckled darkly. “That’ll light a fire under her ass.”
Patrick snuck another glance at the brunette. She seemed pretty no-nonsense. The kind of person who might not appreciate getting hit on by someone his age. His palms prickled with sweat. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“It is.”
“But I’m not into older women, I just like Cheryl.”
Beth sighed. “Here’s some more free advice. Even if things don’t work out with Cheryl—which they will—you’re clearly attracted to dark-haired, Type-A bitches who know what they want and are probably going to be older than you. Embrace it.”
“I like all kinds of girls. The last chick I dated was German.”
“And who was your first crush?”
“Uh, Gloria from Modern Family?”
Beth rolled her eyes, shoving him firmly in the direction of the brunette. “Be one in a million, Psycho. Take the advice. Be happy.”
“I want to be happy, I just…” Patrick turned back to face Beth. “You don’t think I’m, like, submissive in the sack or something, do you?”
“I know you’re not.”
His relief was followed by immediate confusion. “How?”
“I just do.” Beth stood on her tiptoes to adjust his collar. “When she wakes up to herself, I have no doubt Cheryl will be very happy with you, Mr Normal.”
“Thanks, I guess, but seriously, how—”
“What’s happening here?”
Byron had materialised out of nowhere behind his wife. He was a big bloke with a face so symmetrical, it was like he’d been made with AI. And he didn’t seem happy. Patrick pulled his collar from Beth’s grasp.
“Hey mate,” he said to Byron. “Nothing’s happening here.”
Byron’s eyes were cold. “You sure?”
“Relax, my love.” Beth wrapped an arm around her husband’s waist. “Patrick and I are devising a plan.”
Byron’s serious expression vanished. He suddenly looked very tired. “Are you giving unsolicited advice again, Horoscopes?”
“I’m giving much-needed, one-time-only advice,” Beth said sweetly. “Now please leave me and your unborn child alone to help a man achieve his destiny?”
Byron’s eyes flicked skyward. “We’re going to talk about this later.”
“Of course.” Beth twinkled her fingers at him. “Buh-bye.”
