I beam at him like a dork. “Tell me?”
“It was hearing you sing Rex Orange County. That ‘Loving is Easy’ song. You were smiling and tapping your feet and I just…” He presses a hand to his heart. “Melted.”
I laugh, embarrassed and delighted. “I can do better songs.”
“Impossible.” He kisses my cheek. “I don’t want to rush you, but if we get married, I can make everything right.”
The glow in my chest evaporates. “Bobby…”
“I know. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but we can make it work.” His face is earnest and boyish. I open my mouth to ask how old he is exactly and then the thought clicks, as though it was always there. “Bobby? Did you hear me sing Rex Orange County at school?”
His dark eyes flick to the left and then back again. “Yeah.”
The taste of cheese and tomato rise in my mouth. “I never sang at school, even to myself. I would have been too embarrassed.”
He doesn’t say anything but a blush creeps down his neck again. I slide off Bobby’s lap and walk to the side of the cage, as far away as I can get. “You were spying on me, weren’t you? At home or at my singing lessons or somewhere.”
He lowers his head. “I’m sorry.”
“I guess you are really good at surveillance.”
He huffs out a humorless laugh.
“And you’ve killed other people, haven’t you? Kurt wasn’t the first.”
“No.”
I nod, feeling calmer than I should. “I think maybe you should go.”
“Yeah.” Bobby gets to his feet and walks away slowly as though trying to think of some reason to stay. I’m thinking hard too, but there’s nothing there. The basement door swings open and then he’s gone, just like the other two.
His gold chain is still sitting on my dresser. I don’t check if it’s fine enough to hold the medallion. I don’t touch it at all.
Chapter Nine
January Whitehall
People have alwaysthought I was stupid. I’m the baby of my family. I couldn’t say ‘spaghetti’ properly until I was twelve. My grades have always been terrible, and I believedeverythingpeople told me. Santa’s real. Swallowed gum stays inside you for seven years. Storks deliver babies. Margot and Lachlan made sure kids were never mean to me, but they still laughed when I didn’t know what a ‘sausage party’ was or what ‘420’ meant. I read the wrong parts of the book out loud in English class. Bradley Fox made up a song about me in seventh grade. I still know all the words.
January White,
Can’t read or write.
She’s too dumb to play,
And eats dirt all day.
People have always thought I’m stupid, but after Bobby left my cage, Ifeltstupid. Bone-deep, soul-piercingly stupid.
I don’t have to question what Bobby told me. Mr. Parker is a bad man. The truth is like a spotlight, shining on years of evidence. Mr. Parker watching me carefully while I ate. Mr. Parker always asking about ballet. Mr. Parker begging mom to watch my classes. But more than that, I remember the fearful look in Zia Teresa’s eyes when she saw me in my wedding dress. Her St. Christopher medallion. A last-ditch attempt to protect me from an impossible situation.
I don’t know if Mr. Parker is a bad man the way the four men in this house are bad men. But he’s not who I thought he was. The marriage I imagined having with him, friendly and respectful if not romantic, was a fantasy. He made me do ballet. He controlled my weight through mom. Who knows what else he wanted to do?
I am exactly what Doc told me I was when I first woke up in this house. A stupid girl who can’t see what’s in front of her face.
Bobby’s visit drains the life out of me. I climb back into bed and doze until Mr. Gretzky appears again, banging on my cage door. “Do you want to wash and eat?”
I don’t want to go anywhere but I know I’ll feel better once I’ve had some food. “Sure.”
