My head ispounding, my mouth is dry. I want to scream but the sounds are stuck in my throat, choking me. Alessia can’t be dead, but she is. The doctor might have been bullshiting but the body lying on the hospital bed in front of me isn’t.
My sister’s thick blonde hair was shaved off imperfectly so she’s bald on one side of her head and the blue hospital gown doesn’t hide the bruises ringing her neck and dotting her cheeks. She died in agony. She died like a fucking animal.
Beside me, Bobby is sobbing into his palms, snot and tears mixing on his face. A face barely starting to grow stubble. He’s older than me but he’s such a fucking kid. And now his dad’s dead. He and his older sisters are orphans. I sling an arm around his neck, pull him close. His crying has a ragged hysterical note and I unwillingly remember that Marco Bassilotta wasn’t just shot through the head but in both his legs and his groin.
Disrespect on every possible level. Humiliation for all of us. That’s what Parker promised, yet none of us believed he’d go through with it. Now the jokes on us.
Adriano is staring into the wall. His eyes are like two universes spinning separately. His mother died a few hours ago in this same hospital. Shot three times in the gut. She was naked when Adriano found her. Worse than naked, her clothes were torn open in the front. I loved Mrs. Rossi. She was the prettiest mom in all five boroughs. The thought of what happened to her in her own kitchen before she died…
I force all thoughts away and close my eyes, my head throbbing like a freshly picked scab. I want to cry, to try and puke up this sick, swollen feeling but my brain feels jammed. Stuck. Broken. I need to kill Parker, but how? He’s got a million bodyguards and all I have is my stepdads Ruger and—
“Boys.” Morelli appears in the doorway, phone in hand. Usually, his uptight attitude and fancy clothes make him seem older. Right now, with his eyes red and his nose running he looks about twelve.
“We need to go,” he says. “My Nonno’s arranged a chartered flight from Newark. I’ve hired us a car. We need to go out front and find it.”
Adriano speaks for the first time in hours. “No.”
Morelli swipes a hand across his face. “We don’t have a choice. Parker’s not going to stop.”
“Good,” Adriano hisses. “He can come find me.”
“He won’t come find you,idiota! He’ll send his men after your brother, your cousins, Doc’s mom, Bobby’s sisters and then he’ll have snipers pick us off the streets one by one.”
“How does us leaving help that?” Adriano demands, nostrils flaring.
Morelli draws himself up, trying to impersonate the man he was yesterday, before this all happened. “My family can protect everyone in New York who needs protection. But if we’re still here, we’ve got targets painted on our heads. Parker won’t quit until we’re dead.”
“I don’t care,” I say quietly.
“What Valente?” Morelli asks.
“I don’t. Want to. Live anymore,” I say clearly. That’s one thing that feels true. I’ll kill Parker and then I’m done. Out of here. Without Alessia… what’s even the point?
“Domenico,” Morelli says in a low voice and I’m pretty sure it’s the first time he’s ever used my first name. “You feel that way now but I’m not letting Parker kill—”
“Why not? We all know I did this. I pissed him off. I brought this down on all of us. You three fuck off and I’ll stay here and kill him.”
Bobby looks up from between his soaked fingers. “How are you gonna manage that?”
“With a gun, Basher. With my bare fucking hands.”
He shakes his head. “You can’t kill Parker. You’ve never killed anyone.”
“I’ll learn. I don’t give a fuck.”
“You are not responsible for what Parker has done,” Morelli barks. “You think the three of us want your death on our consciences along with everything else?”
I push myself off the wall and stand, toe to toe with Morelli. “I don’t give a fuck what the three of you want.”
My words hang in the air like grenade fragments. Morelli turns away. Adriano’s eyes go blank. Bobby lowers his face into his hands and starts crying again.
“I didn’t mean that.” The words tumble out without my consent. “I didn’t mean it, you know I don’t… you know I want… but I need him dead. I can’t live while he’s still alive.”
“I understand,” Morelli says quietly. “But you can’t throw your life away Domenico. You won’t get your revenge by staying here. He’ll kill you like he’d killed your sister.”
His words send heat flooding up my face and it’s like a dam bursting, the tears and the rage that wouldn’t come before comes now. The room spins and everything jerks and folds. Everything goes black and then I watch as I sink my fists into the hospital wall, feeling nothing except hollowness because Morelli’s right. I can’t kill Parker. I wouldn’t stand a chance and knowing that is like knowing Alessia was violated and murdered all over again.
“Stop.” Bobby pulls me away from the wall. “You’re gonna get us kicked out.”
