I tug my hand away. “Yes. I spent my whole life alone. I need to befree.”
Eli’s face stills.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I know you only want to keep me safe. I love you.”
A loaded silence descends, and I internally kick myself. Like Doc, Eli can’t handle hearing that I love him—he’s never come close to voicing his feelings—but I say it all the time. It just slips out.
I reach for my discarded T-shirt and pull it over my head. “You don’t have to tell me you love me back,” I say, getting to my feet. “And we don’t have to talk about any of this stuff anymore. I’m gonna go have a shower and then start dinner.Parmigiana di melanzane, won’t that be—”
Eli stands and grips my hips, pulling me close. “January Whitehall. I adore you with my entire being. You are the only woman for me, and I take your concerns as seriously as I’ve ever taken anything.”
I smile. Sometimes Eli can be dramatic, but I like it. It’s very Italian. “Thank you, and I mean it, you don’t have to say I love you.”
Eli frowns. “I wish I could… I mean… It’s just… I do not understand—”
“It’s really okay.” I stroke the silky dark hairs on his forearm. “You and Doc should talk about why it’s hard for you to express emotions.”
“I have nothing in common with thatidiota.”
“He can’t say he loves me either. Although I know he does.”
Eli grimaces. “Bella?”
“Yes?”
“From what you’ve told me, the thing keeping you from having our children is fear that myself, Adriano, Doc, and Bobby do not trust you enough to let you be free and that we will treat our babies the same way?”
It hurts to hear it said so bluntly, but he’s right. “Yes.”
Eli touches a finger to my lips. “Shower. Tonight, my brothers and I will resolve this issue.”
“I… How?”
“You will see. We’ll meet for dinner at 8 p.m.” He turns me towards the door and slaps my ass. “Andbella?
“Yes?”
“Do not touch your little cunt before then or I will beat you.”
I turn, a smile creeping across my face.
Chapter Five
January Whitehall
Iput ona simple white slip dress and sandals and leave my hair long and flowing for our family dinner meeting. A stripped-down look is better for important discussions. If I dress too sexy the boys tend to get distracted.
I’m shocked to find the dining room lit by a hundred candles, the warm glow casting the four men I love into shadow. They’re sitting in their usual spots around the table and as I look from face to face, I’m reminded of when I first arrived at Velvet House. When they were wild and unknown to me.
Adriano’s beard is neatly trimmed, and his biceps are almost bursting out of his green Henley, his arms folded across his chest. Doc smirks at me over his glass of vodka, his usual gaping T-shirts exposing his tattooed rib cage. Bobby’s thick brown hair is neatly combed, and his blue checked shirt is open at the collar. Only Eli looks different. He looks a mess with his red tie loose around his neck and his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows. He has a glass of scotch in one hand and a cigarette burning between his fingers.
I press a hand to my lips. “Are you okay, Eli?”
He nods but I can see he’s shaking, making the liquor in the glass rock back and forth. I wait for the others to tease him, but their faces are strangely tense. Almost remote.
“Sit, Pryntsesa,” Adriano says, gesturing to my regular place. I do as I’m told, tucking my white silk dress underneath me so it won’t wrinkle. Everyone’s gaze goes to Eli, so I look at him too. As the seconds tick by I wonder if it would be rude to bring up my parmigiana and whether anyone is going to serve the food I spent the rest of the afternoon making.
“January…” Eli clears his throat then seems to lose his nerve, staring into his scotch. I fight back a nervous giggle, trying to keep my face calmly sympathetic, like a real mafioso wife.
