Bryn shook her head.Stop!You are not going there right now. You wanted a new life, you have it. Don’t go backwards.
Now that Randi was happily off to college and living in her own apartment, Bryn had no reason to sit around their home. She was free and staying that way.
Bryn opened the journal to write her first entry. On the inside cover was a note in Randi’s flowy handwriting:Write everything as long as it moves you forward.
She snickered softly, getting her another glance from her movie-watching neighbor. Maybe Randi had listened to her advice more than she thought. It meant something when she heard the same advice twice in a matter of seconds.
Bryn flipped to the first blank page before she dug for the pen that went with the journal. She wanted to write something meaningful that would commemorate her journey. Something she would go back to in years to come and remember every emotion. Or a list of all the reasons she was making such a bigchange and what she hoped to accomplish. But that’s not what came out on the page.
I’m confused.
She stared at the words for a long time. They looked too small, too simple. But they were true.
This move was about reinventing herself, finding her dreams, and moving on with life. Which would be great had she ever known herself in the first place. Bryn wanted to find love and happiness in ways that she hadn’t known before. She wanted to meet new people and see new places. She wanted to make her own decisions and create a life that felt like her own.
But despite all of her advice to herself and her sister, Bryn knew that beneath that ambition was something else. A quiet, aching need to escape something that she didn’t understand. And in order to accomplish that, she would need to work through her past to figure out exactly what it was that she had never understood.
She sighed.Why is life so complicated?
She wasn’t really running from her family. She loathed her parents for being the selfish, egotistical pricks that they were, and while the sisterly feeling wasn’t normally reciprocated, she loved Randi. But she was running from the version of herself they knew and expected. The scapegoat, servant, people pleaser who would do what she was told. The dependable one that would do everything that was expected of her with no thoughts of her own needs. She needed to find out whoshewas, with no interference.
The seatbelt sign pinged on again. Bryn flinched when a bout of turbulence caught the plane in a more violent jerk, enough to send a ripple of gasps down the aisle. She instinctively glanced at the flight attendants, but their facial expressions didn’t flicker and they still oozed calm.
Still, her breath caught in her throat. The man next to her surprised her when he covered her hand where she had a death grip on the arm rest with his own. His gentle touch calmed her and he gave her a slight nod that he understood her fear. All too quickly though, he took his hand away.
Mumbling echoed around the cabin but her ears couldn’t process the sound into words. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the window shade, but her heart picked up its pace as she saw the ground far below. No more sea of white.
Bryn’s vision blurred slightly when her stomach lurched into the air as the plane descended in preparation of landing. She tried to watch the landscape speeding by the small window while the ground grew closer and closer.
Her first glimpse of Stagholt. A prick of excitement stabbed up her back.
The mystical place in the Iskara Northlands that had filled her dreams since she happened upon the pictorial coffee table book at the library while still in middle school. A place so far away from home that it seemed impossible to even imagine, yet somehow she had always known that one day, she would stand at the base of the snow-covered mountains that surrounded the small town.
The country stretched wide and far with mountains looming in the background. Her new life waited. Maybe it would be everything she dreamed of or maybe it would break her in ways she couldn’t yet imagine. Either way, it would be hers to discover. And for the first time, it felt like a real beginning.
The plane bounced with a thud as the landing gear made contact with the runway and she held her breath until they leveled out.Okay, landing is absolutely the worst part about flying.The news story ran through her mind.
Bryn Matsen, age 28, from Andalusia, Alabama, was found amongst the wreckage after the landing gear snapped off her 737 and caused the plane to skid off the runway.
A loudwhirrrfilled the cabin as the captain applied the brakes, and her heart rate finally slowed as they taxied to the gate. She plugged her nose and blew hard to pop her ears. Not the most ladylike thing to do, but something that was absolutely necessary. Sounds were loud and sharp when the fog cleared from her head. Another annoying flight detail.
The seatbelt sign finally blinked off, and her hand shook when she unhooked. She flipped it out of her way and attempted to stand. Excitement was now clawing at her.
Waiting to get off the plane was always the hardest part of traveling. Not that Bryn had done much, but the couple occasions had given her the same moments of impatience. There were people to see and things to do, places to experience. Waiting for passengers to collect their ridiculously large carry-on bags was not at the top of her list.
She snorted quietly. For the next two days, she really had nothing to do. The Padusky family that she had agreed to nanny for was expecting her bright and early on Monday morning. She hadn’t planned on arriving in Stagholt until Sunday afternoon, but a generous parting bonus from her now ex-employer had pushed her beyond temptation to change the ticket and book an extra two nights at the hotel. Besides, the thought of spending another lonely weekend in an empty house had been depressing.
It was a bright and sunny Friday afternoon when she emerged on the platform with her suitcases in tow and a cold wind made her shiver almost immediately. She pulled her jacket tighter and tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her head that said she should have listened to Mrs. Padusky, who had warned her that a winter jacket from Alabama wouldn’t be warm enough in the mountains. She was going to use the rest of herbonus money on a shopping spree to buy something appropriate faster than anticipated.
The Silver Snow Mountains loomed as far as she could see. The town of Stagholt was nestled at the base of one of the larger peaks, completely encompassed by the mountains. The mountains loomed overhead, their peaks beneath thick blankets of snow, each catching the light of the sun like facets of a diamond. The valley below was thick with tall pines frosted in white. Smoke curled lazily from chimneys throughout the town.
For a moment, she wondered if she had stepped into a painting. It didn’t seem possible that something so perfect could possibly look like something off a postcard. The sheer beauty took her breath away and tears welled in her eyes. She had waited so long to see the landscape for herself, and now that she was there, it was nothing she could have imagined. She was certain that she would never see anything as gorgeous as a mountain town in the shadows of giants.
A cloud moved across the sky and opened up a patch of sunlight where she stood. Bryn tilted her head back and closed her eyes. The warmth on her face reached all the way to her toes. She relaxed her shoulders and lost herself in the moment.
Peace.
She forced herself to quit thinking about anything except the comfort from the sun. For the first time, she felt freedom and hope. People hustled all around her but she basked in her moment.
