Ournext steps? I’ve definitely nothing to do with this, which would be a valid point to make if my innocence were more important than being spotted by Nicol, who is pacing from one side of the window to the other, the loudhailer returned to his grasp but not yet back to amplifying his voice. To my great shame, I find his commitment and passion as impressive as I ever did. There is lots and lots wrong with him, but not this. The core of his being that cares intensely is what redeemed him time and again to me. No matter how cutting the comment or how disinterested he was in my life, I looked at how much he cared about people and places he didn’t even know. How could that man not have the same depth of feeling about his actual girlfriend?
‘Troops.’ Brian shuts the door with a bang. ‘What we gonna do?’
‘Stop working with someone who does illegal evictions?’ I suggest, because that seems like the only answer.
Brian snorts. ‘No. But really. What we gonna do?’
Gavin fidgets with the thin silver bracelet on their hairy wrist, rubbing the smooth nub of the lock on it. ‘I think Jemma’s right. Heather’ll have definitely broken her contract with us. We at least threaten to stop working with her, get her to behave herself.’
This isn’t as cut and dried as I’d like, which is maybe why Brian contemplates it. ‘Aye.’ His eyes are on the panels of the ceiling. ‘Aye, that could work. Perfect Property Solutions as a leader in ethical letting.’
There’s a flutter in my belly. Is this place going to turn into somewhere I won’t need to hide in the corners of? ‘What else would we do to be more ethical? Provide landlord references? Rent freezes?’
‘You are hilarious, Jemma. Telling Heather to clean her side of the street is what we’re doing. It’ll keep those weirdos outside away from us.’ He claps his hands together. ‘I’m off to go and tell that lot we’ve listened and we’re making changes.’
While Brian goes, me and Gavin stay in his office, our faces staring at Brian’s empty chair as if he were still present.
‘The cinema would be lovely, thank you for asking,’ I say, then get up and brush myself off, even though there’s nothing on me, and leave. My belly continues to tingle, my body reacting not to anything to do with work but to Gavin, beautiful Gavin, asking me on a date. Me. Nicol and I never had a first date. We snogged in a nightclub and then shagged for a month solid, which felt passionate and romantic and a sign of how deeply we loved one another from the start. With hindsight, him wooing me would have given me the space to discover if I liked Nicol the person and not just the regular hefty dose of oxytocin the sex gave me.
Back on the main office floor, I’m confused. The street is back to its usual sparsely populated self. Brian’s standing at the window looking out onto the nothing.
‘Where is everyone?’ I ask.
‘Dunno. They fucked off before I could tell them the good news.’
I walk towards the window to assess the scene myself and confirm the union folk have indeed fucked off. ‘I’ll get back to work, then.’
‘Nah, let’s call it quits. Today has been enough for me. I’m sure you feel the same.’
There’s no ‘Ye sure?’ to indicate I’ll happily stay if he needs me to because I’m so dedicated. I grab my things and am out the door shouting, ‘See you in the morning!’ before my computer has properly shut down.
Outside work, the knowledge I am walking on the same terrain Nicol recently occupied makes the ground feel unsteady, not entirely solid. I plan my evening: a bath when I get in, an episode ofFixer Uppers Go Under the Hammerwith dinner, an early night because I need my energy for plotting Pete’s demise. Cutting into the side street where I kissed Gavin, and the memory of how I felt after killing Willie, make me decide this is Pete’s last Tuesday. I need to keep my momentum going.
My thoughts about exactly how I’ll do that are interrupted by the realisation that someone is matching my steps behind me. I find my keys in my pocket, wrap my fist around the biggest one. Armed with a weapon of sorts, I’m ready to turn around, poised to attack.
Behind me is a small woman, her hood tight around her skull. ‘Jemma?’ she asks, like a real question, even though it’s Amara and she knows who I am.
‘Fuck off.’ I up my pace to the main road quicker.
My running’s paying off, she’s panting as she keeps up. ‘Nicol sent me.’ And I can’t explain it, but hearing his name from her mouth stops me. It’s a reminder that not too long ago he knew me better than anyone, well, except for Amara. He knows putting Amara in front of me will make me listen; she cannot be excised from my life anywhere near as cleanly as he can.
‘He saw you at the estate agent’s.’ Of course he did.
‘So why isn’thestalking me, then?’
‘He didn’t think you’d be pleased to see him.’
‘Whereas I’m delighted by your presence?’
‘I know this is difficult for us both.’ Her words hang between us; I recognise their truth. At the same time, I am not appalled to notice the dark circles under Amara’s eyes, the frizz to her hair, clear signifiers that life is not perfect for her, as Amara is the sort of person who is usually immaculately presented.
‘I get it, you realise you ruined your life as well as mine, but I’ve processed what you did to me. You need to work through the pain you did to yourself.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jem.’ She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. It springs back into her face when she’s done.
‘So you’re going to pretend you’re absolutely fine, are you? That you never rocked up unannounced to mine?’
‘That was a mistake. Guilt is a difficult emotion to manage but I’m working through it. I’m sorry for bothering you with that, but this isn’t something you should ignore. We need you for something that’s bigger than what’s gone on between the three of us.’ This last bit does not sound like Amara’s own choice of words. The flat delivery, as if she’s memorised them, gives her away. ‘We saw you while we were protesting, and Nicol thought, and I did too, that you could help the union with your insider knowledge.’
