“I know …” A hot tear drops from my eye as I remember my words to Jordan and Colton in the lunchroom on one of my first days at school.“I moved to Colorado to better immerse myself in pageant culture.”I was so proud of that practiced lie. It sounded so official. So put together. So completely opposite from my real life.
“I lied.” I swipe at the tear running down my cheek. “My mama didn’t want me, so she sent me to Colorado to live with my aunt.”
“Oh, Missy.” Without hesitation, Colton wraps his arm around me, enfolding me in his warmth.
The simple gesture breaks the dam. My tears fall fast, dripping across my cheeks, over my thin bandage, and down my chin. Colton doesn’t say anything; instead, his steady hand moves to my back, rubbing soothing circles. I lean against his chest, letting it all out.
By the time I feel like I’ve cried out my body’s entire water supply, I stiffen, embarrassed that, in this moment, I’ve let himcarry my emotional baggage. I raise my head off of Colton, but even when I sit upright, his arm remains around me. Once I can finally see clearly, I look at him, finding his eyes soft and sad.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Seeming to remember who he is talking to, he rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Why would you tell me? I’ve never really given you a reason to be open with me, have I?”
I find the edge of Colton’s blanket and pull it farther up my shoulder to ward off the chill. “I only ever told Paige and Ji. When my aunt brought me to Colorado, I wanted to start over fresh. I didn’t want to dwell on what had been. I wanted to move forward.”
Colton wipes a rogue tear from my cheek with his thumb. Loving his touch more than I care to admit, I lean back into him.
He tightens his grip around my shoulders, making me feel safe. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Mm-hmm,” I say.
“What was the significance of the star your mom gave you?”
Once more, I pull away, looking up at him with knit brows, curious why out of all things he’d bring up that star again. I swallow. “I hate the dark. I mean, I didn’t always. But there was this one night in particular when I was a girl …”
Colton nods, giving me space to continue. I suck in a shaky breath. “Mama’s boyfriend came to our place. I remember Mama so clearly, her body trembling and her eyes filled with fear as she told me to go hide in my bedroom before he could see me. I ended up locked in my room that night, in utter darkness, forced to listen to my mama’s screams as her boyfriend hit her over and over again.”
My body starts to shake, and again, Colton brings me closer to him, letting me borrow the strength I don’t feel.
I wipe a tear against the sleeve of my jacket. “After that, I couldn’t stand to be in the dark, alone. So Mama got me apackage of glow-in-the-dark stars from our local dollar store. She put them all over my room in little swirl patterns and smiley faces. I think people in space could spot my room once Mama was finished with it.”
I let out a watery chuckle, remembering Mama’s dance after she showed me her handiwork when I’d gotten home from school that day. “When she was all done, she pulled one last star out of her pocket and told me that when I was afraid, all I had to do was press the little star between my fingers and put any negative or fearful thought inside of it until all I was left with was everything positive. I guess that just became a habit.” I shrug. “All my lucky objects really aren’t lucky, I guess. They’re just a tool for coping with my fears and inadequacies … But to answer your question …” I huff out a small laugh. Colton asked a simple question, and I spilled my life story. “That’s why that star was significant to me.”
Colton shakes his head. “Missy, I’m such an idiot.”
I rear my head back as his arm falls from my shoulder. “What? No, you’re not. Well, sometimes you can be.” I smile teasingly, but the way his face crumples lets me know it bounced right off him.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly nervous.
Colton rubs both his hands down his face and groans. “I’m so stupid.”
The blanket drops from Colton’s shoulders as he gets to his knees and starts rummaging through his backpack wildly. Then he’s kneeling in front of me, holding out a single glow-in-the-dark star.
“Is that …?” I suck in a breath.
His face withers, looking like a man that’s been tortured. “I’m so sorry, Missy. I thought this was just something that you’d found. Something you’d made ‘lucky.’ I … I didn’t know your mom had given it to you—but even then, I shouldn’t have …I took it. I took it from you. I’d put it in my pocket during chemistry and felt like I’d never done so well.” Colton hangs his head. “It sounds so stupid saying it out loud, but in my eyes, you’d always been the luckiest person I knew. And I thought that somehow, carrying this around was like carrying a piece of your luck with me. I didn’t want to give it up.” He cups a hand over his eyes, seeming to get a special pain from looking at me. “Missy, I’m so sorry.” With the star still in his fingers, he holds it closer to me. “Please take it, Missy.”
His eyes finally manage to meet mine, and they are brimming with regret.
My eyebrows rise as I take it in. “So you’re saying that you’ve been carrying that star around for years?”
“Yes,” he whispers.
I nod slowly. “And has it been lucky?”
He looks at me with wide eyes. “Yeah. It has.”
I raise my shoulders and smile softly, hoping he sees the sincerity in my face. “Keep it.”
He automatically shakes his head, his features racked with guilt. “No, I can’t.”
