“Do you blame me for not being there for her?” Dan asks.
Jordan’s eyebrows arch up, Dan’s question seeming to take him by surprise. “No,” he says.
“If you don’t blame me for not being with her when I was supposed to be, then why are you blaming yourself?” Dan’s eyes pin Jordan in place. He puts a hand on Jordan’s shoulder. “Jordan, accidents happen, and unfortunately, it’s not possible for us to be there every time something goes wrong. But the important thing is that your mom is all right. And she knows you love her whether you’re next to her or not.”
Jordan nods, but from the distant look in his eyes, I can tell he’s hardly processed Dan’s words.
I like Dan, and I agree with him. But something tells me that nothing Dan or I say will ever remove the weight from Jordan’s shoulders. What Jordan really needs is something no one in this hallway can give.
The phone in Dan’s hand starts to buzz. “Sorry,” Dan says when he sees who’s calling. “It’s my daughter, probably checking to see if your mom’s all right.” He waves to us before answering his phone and walking in the opposite direction.
Once Dan leaves, I realize we’re standing in a busy hallway as nurses and patients bustle around us. It only takes me a moment to spot an empty waiting room with several vending machines and a few tables with chairs. “Why don’t we go somewhere a little quieter?”
Jordan nods, and I lace my fingers through his limp ones, and we walk to the glass-paneled room at the intersection of two hallways.
I take a seat at one of the three round tables in the room as Jordan paces back and forth in the small space. The muscles in his jaw are tight as he avoids my gaze entirely. Eventually, he stops in front of an old vending machine before slamming his palm against the hard plastic, tearing through the silence we’ve created.
“Jordan.” I hop out of my chair.
“Sorry.” Jordan runs his hands through his hair, turning toward me while still avoiding eye contact. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t.” I step closer to Jordan, but when I do, he steps away, putting more distance between us.
I stop. My brows furrow. “Jordan?”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys. “Take my car and go home, Paige.”
I step toward him, wincing when, once again, he steps away from me. “I want to stay here with you.”
Jordan stares at the ground and shakes his head back and forth, his face a stone mask. “No, Paige. I’m sorry, but… we can’t do this anymore.”
My stomach instantly sours, and I have to fight the bile rising inside me. “Jordan. Don’t push me away.” I try to sound firm, but the words that tumble out sound weak and broken.
“Paige.” His voice is soft, betraying the coldness in his features, and for the first time since we entered the room, his eyes meet mine. “I can’t leave her. But I’m not going to hold you back anymore. You need to go. Accept the job, Paige.”
I shake my head, refusing to let his words sink in.
“I need to stay here. And you need to go,” he says as if that is all the explanation I will ever need.
“Jordan, stop. I won’t go. I’ll stay here.”
“No.” His voice is firm. “No, you won’t stay.” He looks away from me, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “We have to end this. I can’t date you, Paige. I can’t… We just can’t win.”
My heart seems to stop beating altogether. Just outside the room, I see nurses wheeling patients across the floor and people sitting at desks answering phone calls, but inside this room, the world has stopped moving.
Seconds tick by in slow motion as Jordan places his keys on the table next to me. “I’ll stop by later today and get the car. Just put the keys under the seat.” He ducks his head and walks past me toward the door. But I reach out for his arm, stopping his exit.
I know I look desperate, but I don’t care. “Jordan. I love you. Please don’t do this.” Tears flow from my eyes, dripping down my cheeks and splattering onto the tiled floor.
Jordan’s face flashes with pain. He briefly closes his eyes, refusing to look at me. I wait, hoping that, at any moment, hisarmor will crack, that he’ll tell me to stay, that we can make it through this together, that he loves me.
“Just go home, Paige.”
His words sting like a knife between the ribs. Just a few hours ago, everything was bliss. We were in each other’s arms. He was going to come to California. And now, now our relationship is crashing and burning, and all I have is a hefty dose of whiplash and a breaking heart. I feel breathless and weak as I let the truth sink into me, the truth I’ve known for a while but couldn’t admit to myself—Jordan’s wrapped his guilt around him so tightly, he’s turned it into a shield.
No matter what I do, he’s not going to let me through.
I let my hand drop from his arm, instantly feeling the chill on my fingers where his body heat used to be.
