“Yes!” Ji glares at me. “You broke Paige’s heart when she saw you with her.”
My heart burns as I add a new layer of regret to graduation night.
“But that wasn’t… we weren’t…”
“You weren’t together?”
“No!” I say a little too loudly.
Ji and I glance toward the living room entrance, hoping I didn’t just alert all our friends to our conversation.
“Jordan, you need to stop getting into closets with women,” Ji whispers. “You’re sending way too many mixed signals.”
“Everything all right in here?” Missy saunters in and trashes her empty plate before looking between Ji and me curiously.
Ji looks her way. “I’ll tell you later.”
I glare at her. “No, Ji, you won’t.”
“Oh, she will, sugar,” Missy says, laying her accent on thick. “You underestimate the power of Southern charm.”
Finally, Ji steps to the side to let me pass, but before I can move, she speaks again, her voice quiet and serious. “Jordan, I don’t know what’s holding you back from telling Paige how you feel, but there are two people in your relationship, and Paige deserves to have a say. Don’t take her choices away from her. Let her in.”
Ji pats my shoulder and heads to the living room with Missy, who looks eager for the tea. But I stay in the kitchen, revisiting Ji’s words.Paige deserves to have a say.The words strike a new chord within me. If Paige really does like me, then who am I to withhold a decision from her? I would want one.
But that would mean telling Paige how I feel. It would mean going against the usual doubts and fears that flood my mind when I think of a future with her. If Paige decided to stay here with me, I would still be holding her back from California.
I blow out a deep breath and run my hands down my face as Ji’s words echo once more in my mind.Don’t take her choices away from her.And I can’t help but believe Ji is right. Taking away Paige’s choices is as bad as holding her back.She deserves to have a say.
And in order to give her a say, I need to tell her how I feel. I need to let Paige in.
Chapter 24
PAIGE
I grasp my stomach. I haven’t been this nervous since I played Liesl in our high school’s production ofThe Sound of Music. I smooth a hand down my skirt and rub the day’s exhaustion out of my eyes before reaching out and ringing Ian’s doorbell.
Moments later, Ian answers the door. “Hey, Pages.” He sends me one of his signature smiles, but this time, I barely notice it. Not when the touch of another man’s lips has been on my mind since yesterday’s game night.
“Do you want to come in?” Ian pulls the door wider, and I walk past him into his apartment.
Ian’s place has all the makings of a stylish modern apartment with an open-floor concept, but it feels cold and lifeless with nopictures on the walls, appliances on the counter, or plants in the corners. It contains just the basics—couch, table, chairs. I’ve been here before, but now that I’ve made up my mind about Ian, I feel like I’m seeing things more clearly now.
He gestures to the blocky couch, and I sit down, staring at blank walls. This, this is the life of a traveler. He gets to explore the world and different cultures, and that is amazing and all, but he’s traded his roots for wings. And I know with increasing certainty that wherever I end up, I want to be deeply planted.
His life is not the life I want.
“How was your day?” I ask.
Ian sits on the couch cushion next to mine. He gives me a rundown of his conference calls and mentions a book he just started reading, and all the while, my leg jitters up and down like it’s made of caffeine.
Thankfully, Ian puts me out of my misery and cuts right to the point. “So, what brings you here? I thought you were planning on staying late at work this week to meet the StarTech deadline?”
Just the thought of work makes my eyeballs ache. Recently, I’ve had some late nights at Wonderman & Fleck, tying up my current project there, so I’ve been waking up early to fit in my Z3 freelance hours. I’m exhausted, feeling like all I’ve done is look at a screen for the past twelve hours. But if I don’t talk to Ian now, I doubt I’ll be able to sleep.
“I am, and I’ll probably head back to work after this, but I just needed to talk with you.” Because last night in the pantry with Jordan, I realized something. I don’t want to settle for anything less than how Jordan made me feel with one stroke of his finger on my cheek. With him, it was like I was flying and grounded at the same time.
And honestly, I have no idea if I will ever have that feeling with Jordan again. He’s like the poster boy for Icy Hot. One moment,he’s freezing me out, and the next, he’s making me burn up. But what I do know is that I’m not going to stop until I find someone that makes me feel that way again.
