"Where do you see our relationship going?"
My stomach clenches. In some ways, Ian and I have a history that makes our relationship seem miles ahead of its time, but in other ways, we're woefully lacking, especially in the physical department. We’ve spent a lot of time with each other over the past weeks, but not once have we held hands or kissed or defined the relationship, so I knew this conversation was right around the corner.
Between my exhaustion, my emotions, and the unflattering sweat tacos beneath my armpits, I don't feel ready for this talk. But I also don't think I can avoid it much longer. I pick up a small pebble beside me and rub it between my fingers as I collect my thoughts.
Ian and I made a relationship work before, and if I have any hope of getting over Jordan, it is probably with Ian. But if I want any chance of an honest relationship with him, I need to be upfront with him about my true feelings.
I meet his bright-blue eyes. "I want to see where we can go, Ian, and that's why I need to start off on the right foot."
"I want to start off on the right foot too."
I take a deep breath. "When I decided to go on our blind date, I was trying to move on."
Ian leans forward, brushing pebbles and dirt from his hands. "Move on?"
"Yes. For some time now, I've had feelings for… someone else, but that person is not interested, which is why I opened myself up to the blind date. I thought it would be like any other date, a one-and-done deal. Something that would help me take my mind off that person for just a bit. But when I called you, I was surprised how much I actually wanted to meet the person I was talking to. Then it wasyou." I gesture at him. "And I really like you."
Ian smiles.
"I just want to be fair and let you know that I do want to see where things go with us, but I also want you to know that I'm still in the process of working through some of those feelings."
Ian's head bobs methodically. "How about this." He leans back on his hands once more and crosses his legs casually in front of him. "How about we don't put a label on anything just yet? We can be just friends for now. You are free to date other people, and I'll do the same. I don't want you to feel pressure to get over someone to make us work. But in the meantime, I’d like to keep spending time with you, and if things progress, they progress."
My heart instantly lightens at his words, pressure dripping off me like the streams of sweat running down my face.
“I’d like that.” I suck in a deep breath, wondering if I dare ask the next question, but I'm on a roll with the open conversation, so I might as well throw all our potential roadblocks out there. “And California?” I ask.
I think of the Z3 team that I started freelancing for this week after my normal internship hours. The Z3 team is fun and quirky, and I feel closer to them than my co-workers inColorado. I’ve been on their team less than a week, but they are already sending me Zillow links to apartments in their neighborhoods. "If I get the Z3 job but things are going well with us, what would we do?"
"The beauty of my job is that I can work from anywhere. I never planned on staying in Colorado. And there are some beaches around San Francisco that I would be more than happy to live near. So if things continue to progress between us, I don’t see California being a problem. I’d just move too."
The force of his words hit me like a brick.Ianwould move forme. My heart should be soaring, but it sinks in my chest like a rock, knowing that Jordan, my best friend in the whole world, probably wouldn't even visit me if I moved.
"You okay?" Ian asks.
"Yeah.” I snap myself out of my thoughts and latch onto his last comment. “What are your favorite beaches near San Francisco?”
“Hmm. Rockaway. Mavericks. Baker. Those are my most frequented beaches, but I like searching out new ones every once in a while.”
“Have you ever heard of Sand Ridge Beach?” I ask curiously.
“No. Is that near San Francisco?”
I nod. “I’ve never been, but from what I’ve looked up online, it looks beautiful.”
“Cool. I’ll have to check it out next time I’m there. Maybe we can go together.”
I flinch inwardly, remembering how once upon a time, Jordan and I were supposed to go there together.
I tuck my feet next to me, and silence settles between us again. For several unbearably long moments, I stare at a bird on a branch and feign a deep interest in the little guy while my brain sifts through questions to ask. But my mind draws a blank. This isn't my usual date where I can rattle off a hundred of my mostfrequented speed-dating questions. I already know so much about Ian—his past, his family, his work.
Thankfully, Ian puts me out of my misery and starts whistling a unique melody.
When he finishes, I sigh. "That's beautiful."
Ian sends me another of his heart-stopping smiles before prepping his lips for another song.
"This…" Ian whistles the start of a new song that is slow, like a lullaby. "Is a song from Spain." He whistles the rest of the song, and I clap when he's done. "I stayed with a local family while I was there, and the father would play that song on the guitar for his baby girl every night."
