The oxygen in my lungs has vanished. When I weighed the pros and cons of telling Jordan how I felt, I thought I had run through all the worst possible outcomes. His reaction has far surpassed any of those.
As the night goes on, my brain does a good job of keeping me delusional, filling itself with reassurances. Jordan really does love me but can’t admit it. After my confession, he was so overwhelmed with love for me that he couldn’t respond. He ate something foul beforehand and wanted to brush his teeth before he did anything romantic. He made a pact with the boys to stay single before college.
I’m grasping at straws, imagining everything short ofHe must have lost my number.
Those thin excuses get me through an hour of small talk and polite smiles, plus the weird shuffle dance I attempt when I hit the impromptu dance floor in the basement along with my best girlfriends, Ji and Missy, and what feels like half our senior class. Jordan and I didn’t hold back on the invites.
Missy grabs my wrist and uses my clenched fist as a microphone. She “ooo”s into it and sings ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” in her thick Southern accent along with Ji and the other bobbing seniors. While most everyone has abandoned their shoes in their efforts to let loose on the makeshift dance floor, Missy’s still wearing her sparkly heels, making her lean figure and perfectly coiffed blond hair a centerpiece of the room,though her flawless looks do a pretty good job of that on their own.
Missy points my own fist back to me as if it’s my turn to sing wildly into my hand-turned-microphone. I mumble something I hope sounds like the lyrics to the song, but my heart’s not in it. Missy turns toward Ji, and they both do a little side-step-shake to the music.
I take that moment to scan the crowd like I have been all night, hoping I’ll find Jordan among the dancers, but I don’t see him. I haven’t seen him since Colton and Miles arrived. The fear of not knowing what Jordan is thinking makes my feet antsy and my stomach churn. I’m suddenly grateful to be on the dance floor, where I can bounce out my nerves without drawing attention to myself.
Someone bumps into my back, and I can tell by Missy’s look of disgust that Colton is behind me.
“Sorry, Paige,” Colton says as his tall, dark, and handsome form steps out from behind me.
I look up at Colton just as Missy’s acrylic nails go machete on me, slicing into my arm.
I gasp. “Ow.”
Colton looks down at Missy’s glittering shoes before meeting her gaze. “Couldn’t ditch the heels for one night, Barbie?”
Missy scowls. “If I ditched the heels, I wouldn’t have this perfect view of your unibrow.” She points to the patch of skin between his brows, and Colton swats her hand away.
“Before you two start sticking your tongues out at each other,” I say, stepping between them, then I turn to Colton. “Have you seen Jordan lately?”
Colton finally tears his eyes from Missy, and the hard set of his jaw softens. “No, I haven’t seen him since I first came in.”
Ji steps next to Colton, gently swaying to the music. “Colton, your valedictorian speech was awesome. I’ll make sure to give you speaking time at our five-year reunion.”
Ji's our class president and looks every inch the boss lady with her crisply pressed power suit and jet-black hair pulled into a tight ponytail.
“Thanks,” Colton says. “Could you tell my dad that? He’s under the impression I wrote the speech last night.”
“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Missy mumbles.
Ji elbows her, but Missy just rolls her eyes.
“Hey, Paige,” Colton says, grabbing all our attention. “There he is. Jordan’s right…” The words die on his lips as we all look to where Jordan is exiting a closet with April Barker, a pretty girl with cherry-red lips, raven-black hair, and dainty hands that are wrapped around Jordan’s bicep possessively. Jordan smiles at her, his eyes twinkling.
For the first time in my medical history, I think I’m going to faint.
Colton, Missy, and Ji look back at me with an equal mix of pity and sympathy. Missy and Ji have known about my feelings for Jordan for a while, but the look on Colton’s face takes me by surprise. Doallmy friends know how I really feel about Jordan?
I watch Jordan disappear up the stairs with April, and the rejection permeates every part of my body. The backs of my eyes burn, and I rush out of the basement doors and out into the backyard to get fresh air, unable to stop myself.
The twinkling lights mock me from above. Their magic is just plastic and wires now. I was a fool for thinking they were anything more.
“Paige?” I hear Ji's voice first then the click of Missy’s heels on the patio. They stand in front of me, walling me off from the small group of people munching next to the snack table andlook at me with all the concern and kindness in the world. My emotional dam bursts.
As tears flow freely down my cheeks, Missy tugs softly on my arm, pulling me toward a small alcove near the side of the house.
“You told him?” Ji asks.
“He doesn’t…” My chin quivers. “He doesn’t love me back.”
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” Missy pulls me into a hug, and my tears smear all over her shimmery white dress.
