The question made him hesitate. He knew what his answer should be, but he doubted that even the strongest man would be able to resist the look she gave him now.
“As long as our betrothal remains fake, I might be able to open yer eyes about other things, too.”
She nodded, seemingly pleased with the answer. “It’ll only be a year, right?”
“Right,” he confirmed.
The disappointment he felt only increased his guilt. He had just convinced himself to accept this being the one and only time he could be with her, and yet here he was agreeing to more. He wasweak and reckless. He doubted he could hold himself back from taking her for an entire year.
He fastened his sword to his waist before going to the fireplace. The fire he had built earlier was now a much smaller inferno. One of the larger logs was still burning steadily on one end, while the other end remained intact. He reached his hand in, carefully grabbing it and pulling it out.
Thalia gave him a questioning look as he held the burning log in his hand.
“We can use it to light the way to the horse,” he explained.
Her eyes widened as if she had forgotten that Peter and Daisy had taken the lantern with them.
“Aye, good thinkin’,” she remarked.
Finlay led her out of the cabin and back down the familiar path. He had made this trek many times now, and the path that had been overgrown when he had first arrived at the cabin was now beginning to clear again from the increased traffic. He could hear Thalia’s steps behind him and the snap of twigs beneath her boots.
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Thalia finally spoke.
“Finlay? I never asked…”
“About what?” He turned and found that her shyness had returned.
She looked away from him, her hands fiddling with her skirts. “This year—during our fake betrothal, I mean…” She flushed a red so deep that he could see it even in the dim light. “Will ye be visitin’ other lasses in their beds to… um… open their eyes?”
He took a step closer to her. “Why are ye askin’?”
“Mere curiosity,” she answered.
But Finlay knew what this was. He had seen it before with the dozens of women he had bedded. She was interested, and she wanted to know if she was the only woman he was seeing.
He could tell her the truth. Would that truly be so bad? He could admit that she was the only one he wanted, the only one he might ever want for the rest of his life, and then he could take her as his wife. Daisy would have the mother she always wanted, Thalia would have the protection she needed, and he would have her.
That dream was shattered as the image of his sister flashed in his mind’s eye.
Finlay knew that if they were to wed, it wouldn’t be long before she was carrying his child, and he would have to watch her wither away like his sister had. It would be more than he could bear.
Ye’re much better than that arse. Ye wouldnae treat Thalia like that.
Thalia’s eyes flicked up to him. The fire from the log flickered in her blue eyes, reflecting nothing but utter trust. In him.
His free hand twitched beside him, wanting to reach for her, but he clenched it into a fist instead. He could not risk being with her, not if it meant risking breaking her.
“Nay, lassie,” he finally said. “I couldnae take another woman even if I wanted to.”
Even if he hadn’t ruined her, she had very much ruinedhim. There would never be another woman for him, and he was beginning to suspect that none but her would ever satisfy him again.
Her face fell, losing the warmth that had been there just a moment ago. He didn’t quite understand the reason until she said, “Right. Because ye’ll start a war, possibly two if anyone were to find out.”
She thought that he would not take another woman for fear of her uncle or Laird MacGibbon finding out. Did she truly not know how he felt about her? Hadn’t he told her that he couldn’t stop thinking about her? How he wanted to possess her?
Despite his words and actions, she still seemed to believe that his feelings for her were not so strong.
Well, if that’s what she wanted to believe, he would let her. It would be easier for both of them if she only thought of him as the Wolf, as someone who took what he wanted for his own selfish reasons.
